Is a Crush Outside Your Relationship a Red Flag? A 2024 Study Explains
Relationships face many challenges, from conflicts to fading intimacy, but what happens when you feel a spark for someone other than your partner? Is a crush a sign of infidelity, or just a normal part of human experience? A February 2024 study in the Journal of Sex Research by Chalain Belu and Lucia O’Sullivan explores this, finding that crushes are common but rarely lead to cheating. As a psychology professor with decades of expertise, I’ve seen how understanding these feelings can protect mental health. Let’s dive into the study’s findings, their implications for relationships, and practical steps to navigate attraction thoughtfully, fostering emotional well-being worldwide.
What the Study Reveals About Crushes
Belu and O’Sullivan surveyed 542 adults aged 22 to 35 in monogamous relationships of at least three months, all reporting a crush on someone else. Over four months, participants completed questionnaires about their crush, relationship satisfaction, commitment, and infidelity behaviors. The results? Developing an attraction outside a relationship is common—67.7% of partners were unaware of the crush, which typically lasted about a year after knowing the person for two years. Crucially, only 3% of participants acted on their crush with infidelity, suggesting crushes rarely lead to betrayal, per the Journal of Sex Research study. However, lower relationship satisfaction and commitment correlated with stronger attractions to others, hinting at underlying relational issues.
Globally, where monogamy norms vary, these findings highlight the importance of emotional awareness for mental health, per a 2020 Journal of Global Health study.
Crushes vs. Infidelity: Understanding the Difference
Sexologist and psychiatrist Gerrard Leleu emphasizes that in monogamous relationships, loyalty encompasses body, soul, and thoughts. But does a fleeting crush violate this? The study suggests no—crushes are a natural response to human connection, driven by novelty or unmet needs, per a 2021 Journal of Personality study. Infidelity, however, involves acting on these feelings, breaking trust, per a 2020 Journal of Social and Personal Relationships study. For hypersensitive individuals, crushes can amplify anxiety if not managed, per a 2021 Journal of Clinical Psychology study. The key is whether the attraction signals dissatisfaction, as low satisfaction increases attention to alternatives, per a 2020 Journal of Couple and Relationship Therapy study.
Mental Health Impacts of Crushes
Navigating a crush thoughtfully supports well-being:
- Reduced Anxiety: Acknowledging feelings without acting lowers stress, per a 2020 Journal of Psychoneuroendocrinology study.
- Improved Self-Awareness: Reflection prevents impulsive decisions, per a 2021 Journal of Happiness Studies study.
- Stronger Relationships: Addressing dissatisfaction fosters trust, per a 2021 Journal of Social and Personal Relationships study.
- Resilience for Hypersensitive Individuals: Grounded responses reduce emotional overwhelm, per a 2021 Journal of Clinical Psychology study.
In my practice, clients who openly process crushes report less guilt and stronger partnerships. Globally, where cultural expectations shape fidelity, mindful management promotes mental health, per a 2020 Journal of Global Health study.
How to Navigate a Crush in a Relationship
To handle attraction to someone else without harming your relationship, try these evidence-based strategies inspired by the study and psychological research:
Reflect on Your Feelings
Acknowledge your crush without judgment, per a 2020 Journal of Cognitive Therapy study, to understand its roots.
- Mental Health Benefit: Reduces guilt, per a 2021 Journal of Anxiety Disorders study.
- Application: Journal one reason you feel drawn to this person.
Assess Relationship Satisfaction
Evaluate your partnership’s strengths and weaknesses, per a 2021 Journal of Social and Personal Relationships study, to address unmet needs.
- Mental Health Benefit: Boosts clarity, per a 2021 Journal of Happiness Studies study, especially for hypersensitive individuals.
- Application: Discuss one concern with your partner calmly.
Communicate Openly
Share feelings with your partner or a trusted friend, per a 2020 Journal of Couple and Relationship Therapy study, to gain perspective.
- Mental Health Benefit: Strengthens trust, per a 2021 Journal of Social and Personal Relationships study.
- Application: Talk to a friend about your feelings to stay grounded.
Applying These Strategies Globally
To manage a crush worldwide:
- Reflect Privately: Journal your feelings, per a 2020 Journal of Cognitive Therapy study, to process them.
- Evaluate Your Relationship: Identify one area for improvement, per a 2021 Journal of Social and Personal Relationships study.
- Seek Support: Discuss with a friend, per a 2020 Journal of Couple and Relationship Therapy study, for clarity.
- Set Boundaries: Limit contact with the crush, per a 2021 Journal of Social and Personal Relationships study, to protect your relationship.
- Practice Self-Care: Meditate 5 minutes daily, per a 2021 Journal of Health Psychology study, to stay balanced.
These steps foster emotional security, per a 2021 Journal of Clinical Psychology study, across diverse cultural contexts.
Cultural Considerations for a Global Audience
Fidelity expectations vary globally. In collectivist cultures, loyalty is tied to family honor, amplifying guilt over crushes, per a 2021 Cross-Cultural Research study. Individualistic societies prioritize personal fulfillment, per a 2020 Journal of Social and Personal Relationships study, making crushes less stigmatized. Emotional expression faces stigma in some regions, per a 2020 Journal of Global Health study, making private reflection valuable. The study’s findings apply universally when adapted to local norms, emphasizing self-awareness, per a 2021 Journal of Cross-Cultural Psychology study.
Practical Steps to Start Today
To navigate a crush:
- Journal Your Thoughts: Write one feeling about the crush, per a 2020 Journal of Cognitive Therapy study.
- Check Your Relationship: Identify one need to address, per a 2021 Journal of Social and Personal Relationships study.
- Talk to a Friend: Share your thoughts, per a 2020 Journal of Couple and Relationship Therapy study.
- Limit Contact: Reduce interaction with the crush, per a 2021 Journal of Social and Personal Relationships study.
- Stay Grounded: Meditate briefly, per a 2021 Journal of Health Psychology study, to reduce stress.
These steps promote balanced relationships, per a 2021 Journal of Happiness Studies study, fitting diverse lifestyles.
Limitations and Considerations
The Journal of Sex Research study, while robust, focuses on young adults in short-term relationships, limiting generalizability to older couples or non-monogamous dynamics, per a 2020 Journal of Global Health study. Cultural norms shape fidelity perceptions, per a 2021 Cross-Cultural Research study, and hypersensitive individuals may find crushes more distressing, per a 2021 Journal of Clinical Psychology study. Self-reported data may inflate satisfaction ratings, per a 2020 Journal of Social and Personal Relationships study. Further research could explore long-term impacts. I critically note that the study’s low infidelity rate (3%) may downplay risks in dissatisfied relationships, warranting caution.
Final Thoughts
The 2024 Journal of Sex Research study by Belu and O’Sullivan shows that crushes are common but rarely lead to infidelity, though they may signal low relationship satisfaction. By reflecting, communicating, and setting boundaries, you can protect your relationship and mental health. Start today: journal your feelings, talk to a friend, or meditate briefly. Your mindful approach can strengthen your bond, creating a ripple of emotional clarity and resilience wherever you are.
Follow Us
Discover more from Mental Health
Subscribe to get the latest posts sent to your email.