3 keys to defuse rivalry between brothers and sisters

Be it constant bickering, silent competitions or actual conflicts, rivalry between siblings often interferes with daily family life. These stresses, which are deeply rooted in our biological history, are not just the fruit of childhood: They respond to survival instincts inherited from our ancestors.

For parents, it may be tempting to ignore these arguments and hope they will resolve it on their own, but doing so risks missing a valuable opportunity. By better understanding these mechanisms, it becomes possible to transform these conflicts into means of learning and socialization. Here are 3 keys shared by Bruno Hambik, Doctor in Educational Sciences, in an article Brain and mental disorders.

1. Understand the biological origins of rivalry

Sibling rivalry has its origins in ancient evolutionary heritage. For millennia, survival often depended on access to limited resources such as food or parental protection. This mobility, which can be observed in many animal species, has left traces in our human behavior. For example, in chacma baboons, a young monkey may attempt to interrupt the interaction between its mother and newborn to maintain its position and attention. These tendencies, although attenuated in humans, still manifest through rivalry between siblings.

Understanding this biological basis allows parents to reduce these conflicts. They are not necessarily a sign of family dysfunction, but rather a natural dynamic that can be controlled. By giving equal attention to each child, parents can reduce this feeling of competition.

2. Turn arguments into educational opportunities

Rivalry is not the only source of tension; They can also teach important social skills. When conflict arises, parents can intervene not to mediate but to guide children toward constructive solutions. This involves listening to everyone’s viewpoint and learning to compromise. Well-managed these moments not only strengthen the bond between children, but also their ability to manage social relationships outside the family circle.

It is also necessary to encourage cooperation rather than competition. Proposing activities where children must work together to achieve a common goal can strengthen their bond. Thus, rivalry becomes fertile ground for developing skills such as empathy, communication and respect for differences.

3. Setting boundaries to reduce stress

Although arguing can be educational, it is important to establish clear boundaries. Insults or aggressive physical behavior should be strictly prohibited. By setting these rules from the beginning, parents provide a safe environment where conflicts can be expressed without escalating.

Furthermore, it is important not to compare children with each other, whether on their academic achievements, their talents or their behavior. Every child should feel that his value is based on his looks and not on his position in the family. This approach reduces the sense of injustice, which is often at the center of stress.