4 common behaviors that make good friends
We do not compromise with the rules of friendship. To maintain emotional bonds, good friends strive to develop them on a daily basis. This is how we recognize them. They symbolize a kind of ideal self, this unconscious narcissistic formation which concentrates all our dreams of grandeur and freedom. They also come to save us. From the troublesome everyday life or from any crisis in which we sometimes sink, this is what Freud calls. NeighbourThis concept that shows how the simple presence of others protects us and provides us with a kind of emotional shelter.
Because it plays a fundamental role in our well-being, friendship is also “a tacit agreement of equality and reciprocity”, explains psychosocial expert Jean Maisonneuve, author of Psychology of Friendship (PUF). One stroke of a penknife on one of these two pillars, and the whole contract is broken. »So how can we make sure we respect the agreement? Why is it so important not to neglect certain essential behaviors?
On the need to maintain friendship
Social relations are governed by universal laws. Personality, deep values, lifestyle habits… there are many factors that determine the strength of our friendship. They are caring, rewarding and appreciative. So precious that we keep looking for the perfect friend, the ideal partner, until we realize that we are looking for someone who is like us, but better. Why better? Because, like love, we need to idealize the other to feel good in their presence. But beware of disillusionment. Because the bigger the expectations, the more brutal the fall.
Psychologist Beatrice Copper-Royer explains that this disillusionment “leads to real separation when betrayal occurs, or to slow distance when one and the other develop in different ways.” One of our most frequent mistakes: expecting others to fill all the gaps, all the insecurities and needs that we have not been able to satisfy ourselves. That’s why American therapist Nedra Glover Tawwab has created a list of 4 behaviors to normalize in order to maintain friendships.
4 habits to adopt with your friends
Appreciate each other’s efforts. Nedra Glover Tawwab advises, “Before you start asking questions about how someone was able to complete a project, say congratulations.” Before examining how they got there and how you can achieve the same, it’s important to show people how much you appreciate and appreciate their efforts. ,
Also initiate reunions. “Invitations work both ways. Don’t let one person initiate all the planning. This is not courtesy, this is friendship. Spending time together should be a mutual and mutual effort. ,
Make sure they are okay. “Keep checking in to see if they’re doing well after the event,” experts say. When we experience a loss or go through a transition, people may write to us first, but over time. Messages fade out with . Keep in mind that people do not recover from difficulties as quickly as we assume. ,
Accept that it will sometimes be unavailable. “Have friends at different levels of commitment so you don’t put too much pressure on one or more people. When you’re frustrated with not having anyone to do things with, please take it as a sign to find new friendships or deepen connections with people you know. Don’t let someone’s unavailability mark the end of your friendship. ,