4 strategies used by manipulators to pose as victims

“Like each of us, the manipulator goes through real trials that we do not deny. On the other hand, it has the particularity of entrusting us with difficulties which do not exist,” explains Isabelle Nazare-Aga, behavioral therapist and author of the work Manipulators are among us (Les éditions de l’Homme). Although subtle, certain behaviors can help identify manipulators who pose as victims in order to better dig in their claws.

How to get out of their grip? First, by becoming aware of the extent of the damage they cause. Then, by gaining confidence to recognize toxic behavior and no longer let yourself be sucked into it. According to the manipulation expert, these 4 signals can alert you.

1. He says he has a difficult entourage

Everyone has already complained about those around them. So far, nothing new. The problem is that the manipulator relentlessly accuses the behavior of those close to him but without this ever being corroborated by tangible facts.

If you do not know the reality of the manipulator with whom you are in contact, everything suggests that he is indeed the victim of incompetent, ungrateful people or other adjectives that he knows how to use very well, deciphers the specialist. However, this is often not the case. This is a strategy of victimization to soften his interlocutor in order to more easily obtain what he wants from her.

2. He is overwhelmed on all sides

Who has never been overwhelmed? But when you’re faced with someone who harps on it every day, it can seem suspicious. The difference is that the manipulator often overwhelms himself with tasks that he alone chooses to assume and uses this pretext to become unavailable or to explain his fatigue.

Don’t be fooled! Remember that a manipulative personality is not used to losing at anything. His lamentations deceive you and cause you to give him unjustified help, argues the behavior therapist.

3. He even turns his luck into a lament

The question of money is central in the mind of a manipulator, affirms Isabelle Nazare-Aga. His stinginess is extraordinary. Not spending can become your obsession. But the paradox is that, on the one hand, he can invest in significant real estate, vehicles or expensive material purchases and, on the other hand, complain of running out of money!

Always in a process of victimization, he pretends to be a poor unfortunate. The question is not so much the complaint itself as its abusive, misleading and recurring nature. Beware!

4. He extrapolates his health problems

A sick manipulator is almost on the verge of death! He systematically exaggerates his illnesses. Did he have surgery? He tells you that he almost passed through it. Symptoms? Worse than that: suspicion of cancer. He goes to bed at the slightest headache, saying he doesn’t understand what’s happening to him.

When he has a real heart condition, he shouts “My heart, my heart…” at the slightest annoyance. For the manipulator, the illness is serious except… when it happens to you, obviously!