Here is the typical profile of the real nice guys

In the age of kingly individualism, kindness gets a bad rap. In the collective consciousness, it is often confused with weakness and naivety. Nice people are unfairly seen as simple-minded who don’t know how to set limits. However, kindness is such a powerful value that it would be unthinkable to let go of it. On the contrary, it is time to rehabilitate or even encourage it. Especially since researchers attest: this quality is full of scientifically proven benefits.

As if to drive the point home, social networks have highlighted the wickedness of men. Every day, we come up against the injustices of this world, nasty comments, unjustified criticism… But at the same time, a paradox sets in. Kindness is also praised: we observe a spirit of collaboration and sharing through good ideas, experiences, etc. And this, completely free. Is this the revival of kindness? How to recognize them so as not to be fooled by others? This notion is much more complex than we imagine. To lift the veil on the secrets of kindness, let’s start by redefining the 7 criteria that make up this fundamental value.

The 7 dimensions of kindness

“Kindness is not a luxury but a necessity. It is by treating each other better, by treating the planet better, that we can hope to survive,” says Piero Ferrucci, philosopher and psychologist. According to him, kindness kindness, and the virtues inherent in it, can bring incalculable benefits to those who know how to grasp them spontaneously, without expecting any compensation. The Art of Kindness (Robert Laffont), the psychologist defines it as being the sum of seven ingredients.

Empathy: by seeking to understand what is going on in the head of an angry friend, by striving to adopt his point of view rather than responding to him with the same aggression, we manage to enter into a fair relationship with him.
To modesty: rather than wanting to triumph over our friends by showing off our latest successes at work or our marital happiness, showing humility helps us to listen to them and enjoy their presence without fear.
Patience: by giving up rushing to the supermarket when the customer in front of us exchanges a few words with the cashier, we realize that human connections are more important than saving three minutes.
Generosity: by offering an object, a feeling, a point of view, time to a loved one, we move from the pleasure of possessing to the pleasure of being with them.
Respect: listening to your interlocutor without judging them, accepting their point of view even if it is different from ours amounts to granting the other the space to which they are entitled, simply because they exist. Without this respect, kindness remains superficial.
Loyalty: a sign of fidelity and righteousness, this virtue reassures us about the constancy and solidity of our loved ones. By being loyal, we have the pleasant feeling of being in agreement with ourselves and of knowing how to keep our word.
Gratitude: measure your chance of being in good health, thank your loved ones for being there, recognize everything you owe them… Because it allows you to be happy with who you are and what you a, without taking it for granted, gratitude nourishes the feeling of fullness and alleviates our regrets, remorse and frustrations.

Revealing Behaviors of Kind People

Affection, honesty, solidarity, and many other virtues are vital necessities that reflect kindness. We observe it in the small daily or spontaneous gestures that do good. But how do the good guys really behave? Experts in personality psychology link kindness with agreeableness, one of the five main traits observed in the Big Five model*, theorized by American psychologist Lewis Goldberg. This shows how kindness constitutes one of our deepest values. It still needs to be identified.

To avoid appearing “too” nice or being exploited by those around them, some people appear skeptical. While others, conversely, carry kindness as a standard, sometimes to hide less laudable intentions. Recognizing the “real” good guys is essential to cleaning up the links in our social relationships. To do this, we must pay attention to their behavior. Researchers from the University of Arkansas and the University of Minnesota Twin Cities looked into the question and identified the inherent benefits of kindness. The study, published in the journal Personality and Social Psychologywas based on meta-analyses of nearly 4000 studies, bringing together a considerable number of participants. In total, data from 1.9 million individuals was taken into account before formulating their conclusions.

For the authors of the study, kindness consists of trust, compassion and politeness. By examining the structure of this personality trait, they are able to identify typical behaviors. Kind people would have better “personal attitudes” and overall performance and would not engage in dirty tricks.

Of course the good guys are suspicious. And of course, the manipulators seem nice. There is a lot of false flattery that has the appearance but not the intention. Kindness is sometimes motivated by zeal, gallantry, or a need to be liked. “We are often nice so as not to appear mean. We stay positive, say yes to everything, to avoid conflict,” emphasizes Charles Rojzman, sociotherapist. For fear of the other. Or out of fear of ourselves, so as not to show our dark side, what we are ashamed of and that we fear revealing. “We believe that this false kindness takes us out of loneliness, but it prevents us from reaching the heart of the relationship,” he continues.

The Benefits of Kindness

These behaviors allowed American researchers to define the benefits that can be derived from this fundamental value. Kind people are indeed right to be kind. As proof, eight qualities emanate from their altruistic behavior:

They want to be “better people”, evolve, take care of others and turn more often towards spiritual and religious practices.
They practice contentment, that is to say the acceptance of a situation as it is. This quality allows you to adapt to the ups and downs of life and find your way more easily.
They cultivate their relationships and invest fully in their relationships with others.
They know how to work as a team, whatever their role, in order to achieve the group’s objectives.
They are professionally invested and ready to make things happen.
They tend to be lenient with others
They avoid breaking the rules and their behavior conforms to social expectations.
They integrate better into society and avoid antisocial behavior

“As you examine each of the eight benefits of kindness, ask yourself which ones best characterize you, decipher Susan Krauss Whitbourneprofessor emeritus of psychology and brain sciences at the University of Massachusetts Amherst.

This roadmap will allow you to see how to improve your kindness factor, you will be able to find concrete ideas to soften the rough edges of your personality. You’ll also be able to understand why people, like your altruistic acquaintance, are willing to take on the lion’s share of a project without complaint. Their behavior makes sense now, even if the only reason they say they don’t need you is to avoid hurting you. » When used wisely, kindness transforms into an ability that benefits others as much as it benefits us. It remains to find the perfect balance.

References

Wilmot, M.P., & Ones, D.S. (2022). Agreeableness and its consequences: A quantitative review of meta-analytic findings. Journal of Social Psychology and Personality, 26 (3), 242–280. https://doi.org/10.1177/10888683211073007
8 Benefits of Being Nice, Psychology Today
Charles Rojzman, psychosociologist, philosopher and inventor of the concept of social therapy.
*The Big Five model lists our five major personality traits: openness to experience, extroversion, responsibility, kindness and neuroticism.