This daily gesture to adopt for the well-being of your family, according to a Harvard researcher

The obsession with our children’s success is a common concern for many parents today. However, Jennifer Breheny Wallace, author of the book “Never Enough: When Achievement Pressure Becomes Toxic — and What We Can Do About It”, reminds us of the importance of finding a balance between expectations of success and the emotional well-being of our children.

As part of her research, she collaborated with the Harvard Graduate School of Education to survey 6,500 parents across the United States. Their goal was to understand how parental attitudes toward their children’s success might influence emotional well-being.

This habit is beneficial for children

One of the major revelations of this study is the importance of not focusing exclusively on our children’s academic success. Instead of immediately asking them how they did on a Spanish test or competition, Wallace recommends starting with questions disconnected from their academic performance, like: “What did you eat for lunch?” This seemingly innocuous approach has a significant impact. By avoiding focusing the conversation on successes or failures, parents can help reduce the pressure on their children.

Parents need to be aware of emotional contagion, a process by which they can unintentionally transmit their own anxiety to their children. Focusing excessively on our children’s achievements can send a potentially dangerous message: that their worth depends entirely on their performance.

The culture of achievement can be toxic

Jennifer Breheny Wallace warns of the “culture of achievement becoming toxic.” When children’s self-esteem is intertwined with their accomplishments, they have difficulty separating their personal worth from their external successes or failures.

Children who feel that their worth depends on their performance are more likely to develop anxiety. So, Wallace advises not centering the majority of conversations with our children around grades or other specific outcomes.