How to answer the question “How are you?” when things are not going well

A simple “How are you?” » can sometimes weigh heavily when we are going through a difficult period. Between social politeness and sincere expression, responding honestly can be a dilemma.

So how do we choose between these two options without ignoring our emotions or revealing too much? Psychiatrist Michel Lejoyeux interviewed by West France shares her tips for finding balance.

A primarily conventional question

In most cases, the question “Are you okay?” » does not call for an in-depth response. It is often a polite expression, a social habit that does not necessarily require sincerity.

According to Michel Lejoyeux, “ no one expects a genuine response in this context “. So, when you feel bad, it is useless to speak openly to an occasional interlocutor, such as an acquaintance or a distant colleague.

Should we lie?

The psychiatrist recommends adopting “social politeness”. A simple “It’s okay, thank you” can be enough to avoid unsolicited explanations.

Revealing your discomfort to an inappropriate person could not only create discomfort, but also attract unfriendly or even toxic people. The latter could exploit this vulnerability to establish a form of control.

Express your emotions to the right people

However, completely denying your feelings is not a solution. If expressing your emotions to strangers is not recommended, it is essential to share your discomfort with trusted loved ones or a professional. “ Suffering must be recognizede,” underlines Michel Lejoyeux.

Confiding your emotions in a therapist can allow you to explore them in a secure and constructive environment, without fear of being misunderstood or judged.

Avoiding the Denial Trap

Remaining silent in the face of your own suffering can lead to emotional isolation. Recognizing your emotions, even discreetly, is a first step towards well-being.

If answering “I’m okay” automatically is sometimes practical, it is just as important to ask yourself: are you really okay?