A psychology doctor’s advice on learning to love yourself
Accepting yourself as you are, with your strengths and weaknesses, can seem difficult in a society that values perfection.
However, it is possible to learn to love yourself by abandoning unrealistic orders and developing caring habits. Here are tips shared by psychologist Steven Hayes in an article psychologytoday Moving toward a more peaceful relationship with yourself.
Understanding the expectations that shape us
From childhood, we integrate cultural and societal expectations of what we “should” be. These external pressures push us to wear masks, to adopt roles that may suppress our authenticity while still being useful for moving society forward. Becoming aware of these influences is essential to begin to dismantle them and find an honest relationship with yourself.
Additionally, these rigid expectations leave little room for flexibility or error, leading to constant self-criticism. “Should” – like “I must always be perfect” or “I must never fail” – often do not reflect our true aspirations. Recognizing and interrogating them helps to reduce their impact and achieve emotional freedom.
practice self-compassion
Self-compassion involves giving yourself the same kindness you would give a friend. Often we judge ourselves harshly for our flaws, which leads to stronger feelings of insecurity. Learn to replace this self-criticism with encouraging and empathetic thoughts: Remember that you are allowed to make mistakes and that these do not define your worth.
A simple exercise to develop self-compassion is to write a letter to yourself during a difficult time, as if you were consoling a loved one. It helps create a space of inner softness, which is essential for building strong self-esteem.
clarify your personal values
Our personal values are like an internal compass, guiding our decisions and priorities. However, they can become mired in external expectations that do not reflect our deepest aspirations. Take time to discover what really matters to you: is it creativity, honesty, curiosity, or love?
Aligning yourself with your values allows you to make authentic decisions, even if they differ from others’ expectations. For example, if peace is an important value, prioritizing rest or meditation instead of overloading your schedule becomes a consistent and self-respecting approach.
Taking small steps towards authenticity
Living in harmony with yourself does not require huge immediate changes. It starts with simple gestures: saying what you feel in conversation, acknowledging your need for comfort or acknowledging your feelings without being judgmental. These small activities, repeated on a daily basis, reinforce our sense of being in our right place.
Ultimately, it’s important to welcome our imperfections as natural aspects of humanity. They are not flaws to be corrected, but opportunities to learn and connect. Allowing yourself to be imperfect means giving yourself the right to be completely yourself.