Are you throwing your money out the window? This may be why

Are you the type to save every month and spend your money methodically or to let go of your high roller side and have money burn your hands? If a fair balance between thrifty and spendthrift personality is an ideal for many, unfortunately it is not that easy to access.

Whether it is to finance your next vacation, a nice gift for yourself or a real estate project, our goals with regard to our money are sometimes undermined by our own behavior. When the way we spend our money goes against our plans, we can talk about self-sabotage. And this one doesn’t come out of nowhere.

What is financial self-sabotage?

“Self-sabotage is an action that prevents you from achieving your goals, harms your well-being, or hinders your development,” writes Nawal Mustafa, doctoral student in neuropsychology, in a publication Instagram. It is an act of self-betrayal that involves convincing yourself that you don’t really want the things that you know (deep down) would benefit you. » What we call self-sabotage is often unconscious and is not really sabotage. “It is actually a protective mechanism created by your psyche to protect you from any potential danger or harm. What is familiar to us is what our psyche considers safe,” explains Shirani Pathak, psychotherapist, for PsychCentral.

When self-sabotage involves personal finances, it results in cycles of self-destructive financial behavior. This includes excessive spending, non-compliance with set budgets and financial impulsiveness.

The emotion linked to your spending

Financial self-sabotage to be (wrongly) totally attributed to impulsivity. But personality isn’t just to blame for overspending. Our way of living and managing our emotions could in particular have a role to play. “One of the most surprising, but also the most powerful, factors behind these actions is unrecognized anger,” assures Vicky Reynal, psychotherapist, at Psychology Today. This anger is often not related to money itself, but to deeper emotions related to relationships, betrayal, or unmet needs that money symbolizes. »

The expert notably lists several situations in which “unrecognized anger” pushes people to sabotage their own finances. This is particularly the case for those who seek to upset their parents. Those who were raised by people who placed financial success at the top of their priority order may channel their resentment into their spending. Poor financial management can also be a way to attract attention. “These behaviors may seem satisfying at the time, but they end up reinforcing feelings of helplessness, guilt and dependence,” assures the psychotherapist. The cycle of anger-induced financial self-sabotage is insidious because it creates the illusion of taking control when in reality it perpetuates the underlying emotional pain. But unresolved feelings of betrayal, neglect, or helplessness remain, often buried deeper than before. »