“Christmas is a time of so much joy that it is also a source of sadness”: In the mind of a Christmasphobe

Does looking at trees, Christmas decorations, and other merry things make you anxious? Do you break into a cold sweat just thinking about New Year’s Eve on the 24th? Are you overwhelmed by the endless list of family gifts? Look no further: you may be suffering from “natalophobia”, a proven pathology recognized by mental health professionals. “I dream about it at night,” says Lenda, a 41-year-old teacher. What if the gifts don’t please? What to make for dinner? Will my in-laws be there? What would happen if everyone settled their accounts? Christmas is a nightmare. » is lenda « noelophobe ,

For some people, clinical psychologist Samuel Doak explains, “Christmas is such a joyous time that it is paradoxically a source of sadness: the magic, the sacred, the joy sends them back into the drudgery of existence for the rest of the year”. Even very real concerns. “But, for the vast majority of “Christmasphobes,” this holiday causes anxiety before, during, and after,” he adds. However, it is not a phobia in the pathological sense because we do not follow avoidance strategies. » The fact that the party is indigestible.

“Collective pressure is very strong,” says psychoanalyst Juliet Allis. “It requires an investment in terms of time, money, reflection, preparation, which allows us to overcome our narcissistic issues (Will I succeed?) and relational issues ( How will others see me?). » If our self-confidence is fragile, social and family injunctions for success depress us.

And we take into account the fact that we should not mess with Christmas. Samuel Doak comments, “This is the last sacred rite.” We cannot deviate from it, unlike Easter or birthdays, which are no longer unanimous. »» Boycott New Year’s Eve? “The crime is too dangerous: we would be a bad person, almost a heretic,” replied Juliette Allais.

Christmas is also a sequence of internal tensions, sources of great guilt. The psychoanalyst continues, “This ritual of belonging allows us to reaffirm relationships.” And to reassure yourself. Because we have a place and role in the family, we exist. However, our individualistic society, in contrast, advocates autonomy and independence. First psychological conflict. Samuel Dock also raises the question of temporality. “At the holidays, you have to slow down, take your time and know how to expect what to expect (guests, celebrations, food, gifts, etc.).

However, in the rush of the year, subject to the cult of urgency, we have lost the habit of slowing down. » Second conflict. “And then,” he adds, “there is this conflict between the individual’s will, his aspirations, his need for meaning And the steamroller that may represent these celebrations. » We give our gifts, we eat the log. But… we internally ask ourselves why? Third conflict.

Family reunions are also the time of year when we wear our most beautiful “dresses.” For the psychologist, this is an imposed truce: ” We don’t discuss angry topicsForcing yourself to smile, to cheer up, produces a palpable feeling of despair. For the good of the group, it is necessary for us to suppress mental contents that are sometimes painful. ,

Be happy and shut up. “Children’s Party” takes us back to the posture of a child: we play a character (the one who takes care of everything, the one who is never happy) and we are no longer ourselves, Juliette Elise emphasizes. Giving said. This regression leaves us unbalanced as we betray the adult we otherwise are. What will happen if we try to reach there on 25th December?

Change your habits. Psychoanalyst Juliet Allis suggests introducing lightness, Dare to change your habits“You don’t need to follow the ritual. This is not a question of life and death. Ask Yourself What Will Really Make You Happy This Year : A short trip, an evening at the theatre? ” this is about give meaning to celebration Moving away from consumerism. This is an opportunity to re-weave pleasant relationships.

Let’s talk about it first. Psychologist Samuel Doak invites people to meet their loved ones in person before the big day, “These less serious reunions take away their element of strangeness. » He also advises dare to speak To avoid disappointment during the holidays. “If you do not agree with Uncle George’s views, tell him that, in your opinion, this is not the right time to present them. ,

Question yourself. “Christmas makes us question our relationship with our family,” explains Juliette Elise. Do you feel free and autonomous? Or locked down by orders of your loved ones? » A few sessions with a psychologist can help you better understand what is going on inside you. “And what was created in terms of family dynamics,” says Samuel Doak. Some people take on the role of “child therapist” responsible for the balance and harmony of the group. » There is a huge pressure on them, which needs to be reduced and shared.

“On the advice of my psychologist, at Christmas 2013, I said no I was not doing well, there was a lot of pressure in the office, there were problems in my relationship. Most of all, I was physically exhausted. It was hard, but I decided to stay alone for three days in a small lodge on the English Channel. Just to see. Look how my family reacted. Also see what was happening inside me.

Well, this Christmas was very rewarding. My loved ones finally understood that I was no longer the perfect little boy who succeeded at everything. And I finally agreed to move away from perfectionism and take care of myself. ,