Cultivate These Two Habits to Take Care of Your Friendships

Once we get past school, it’s sometimes difficult to know how to maintain our friendships. When everyone traces their own path, when professional and family lives take up more and more space and when the difficulties of scheduling and the hectic rhythms of daily life no longer leave room for anything, we need to think more about our relationships.

How can we continue to deepen our relationships when we see each other rarely and briefly? How to continue to cultivate the bond over the years, even decades. For CNBCSavannah James and April McDaniel, friends for 15 years and business partners, delivered two essential tips to follow to maintain a friendly relationship.

Demonstrate authenticity

“The essential element of a good friendship is showing yourself in your true light,” says April McDaniel. Showing yourself as you are and being authentic means being able to tell the other person what you think, which how we feel, being honest and being willing to be vulnerable. Playing a role and trying to hide who we are can ultimately lead to harm. erode the relationship and weaken the bond.

“Find your inner voice and your vocation and dare to listen to them,” assures Gail Gross, member of the American Psychological Association and relationship expert, to Psychology Today. Nothing is worse in a friendship or relationship than feeling that your friend is so demanding that you can never be yourself or have your needs met, that you are not appreciated or valued for who you are but for what you do. » Authenticity will allow the other as well as you to feel like yourself in the relationship and to be more fulfilled. In 2017, a study conducted by Kätlin Peets and Ernest Hodges revealed that among adolescents, authenticity had a key role in creating friendships and flourishing within them. “Our results show that adolescents who feel more authentic have a more positive view of themselves, are less alone at school and more satisfied with their relationship,” the researchers summarized. These results suggest that authenticity should be more often integrated into the study of different friendship processes. »

Create a safe space

To be able to be authentic within our relationships, the relationship must still be reassuring enough to allow it. There are ways to create a safe space for others and for all the emotions that may pass through them. “Sometimes you just have to ask someone sincerely how they are doing,” says Savannah James. Don’t limit yourself to asking the other person “how are you” or if they had a good day, but rather how they feel at the moment, what worries them, what brings them joy on a daily basis.

“People don’t just need to feel like the other person really wants to know how they’re doing,” says Abigail Makepeace, marriage and family therapist, at HuffPost. But they also need to know that confiding in someone else will not be a source of fear. » Alternatives to the traditional “Are you okay?” » can notably change the situation. Ask him how he is at the moment, if he feels good in his life, if he wants to talk about anything in particular. This is how you will cultivate your intimacy. “When you pay full attention to another person’s story and life experience, you gain greater insight,” says Gail Gross. The message you are sending to the other person is that you appreciate and value what they say, who they are and their passions. »