How to have better conversations? Advice from an expert

There’s no harm in saying it: it’s common to have flat conversations with friends or loved ones. Ultimately, it is about exchanges, which lack flavor, interest and depth. But it’s not the fault of the exchange itself, or even that of your loved ones.

These flat discussions, although sometimes useful, are far from stimulating. The reason? There is no real listening. You will see that it is not necessary to be a language expert to master the weight of words and make conversations more attractive.

How to have good conversations?

Haesun Moonsociolinguistics, interviewed by Psychology Today revealed the power of language and connection: “Our world is largely contained in our choice of words. For me, connection happens when someone says something about what interests them and I pick up on their words. Words reflect people’s logic (logos means ‘word’ in Greek) or the way they make sense of their world. When we sit in this space of dialogue, I connect with them not by injecting my logic, but rather by preserving their logic about how they live their lives. This requires truly listening to what matters to the person, which is different from diagnosing their problems.” Clearly, for a more meaningful conversation, you must: listen.

She particularly took as an example people who tend to complain about their daily lives: “People repeat until they feel heard,” she confides. Before adding: “listen to them carefully and reframe their concerns based on what is important to them. You might be surprised how quickly the ‘complaints’ disappear when people feel truly understood.”

The keys to creating interesting conversations

Sociolinguistics took the opportunity to reveal its keys to creating interesting conversations with others. She specifies: “First, ask questions. Then formulate responses based on what was said. Use intentional listening cues, like gestures and head nods. Finally, calibrate understanding by checking and adjusting.” Finally, this active listening encourages others to talk, to confide.

Having “good” conversations ultimately depends on listening to others. You will see, the impact will be much greater and the discussions much more interesting.