“I don’t want to talk about it”: the perfect response to give to someone who says this phrase

Let it be said, there are times when you don’t want to communicate with a person at all. So, when someone comes to ask us a question, we may tend to answer: “I don’t want to talk about it”. A reaction that is both normal, but also frustrating for the person opposite.

Because, even if everything is not always good to say, sometimes a discussion can do good, more than we can imagine. Furthermore, it is important to understand the “hidden” meaning of these words: “I don’t want to talk about it.” It is often the result of an “overflow” of emotions.

How to explain this behavior?

According to the therapist, Dr. Jeffrey Bernstein, interviewed by Psychology Todayin the event of conflict with one’s partner, or an argument, one may tend to pronounce this sentence easily. Words that can immediately cut off communication. This phrase can result from several things such as: a feeling of overwhelm or an overflow of emotions. The partner usually needs time to think.

It may also be a reaction out of fear. He/she doesn’t want to talk about it, for fear of a reaction or a future discussion. Finally, this can be explained by a defensive action, for fear of disappointing or failing, so he/she is on the defensive.

How to react to this behavior?

So, to avoid ending up with the “cut quid”, the expert revealed 4 keys to moving forward:

• Take a break and don’t insist: “it is important to resist the urge to insist. Give your partner time to express themselves.”
• Reassure your partner: this is also the time to reassure your other half that there is no harm in feeling vulnerable and that he/she can open up to you.
• Adopt a calm tone: shouting at each other won’t fix things. So, try to approach the matter in a calm tone and at the right time.
• Try to understand: try to understand what your partner may be feeling and the reasons for this reaction. Showing empathy can be a plus to strengthen the connection between two people.

Of course, do not hesitate to consult a couples therapist in the event of completely broken communication. He/she will be able to guide you and provide you with the keys to restore balance within the couple.