Researchers say being older than your partner makes the relationship more satisfying

Despite famous examples (Brigitte Macron, twenty-four years older than her presidential husband; Madonna, thirty-seven years older than her new partner…), women who go out with men much younger than them are often described as “cougars”. Is described in. or MILF (mom I’d like to fuck), they’re still happier in relationships than those who don’t, according to an American study (Psychology Today, March 2023).

“As women get older, the power dynamics shift toward greater equality,” says Kinsey Institute researcher Justin J. underlines Lehmiller, who also believes that “older women may feel more able to get what they want in their relationships, sexually.” and otherwise’. This is especially the case with Natacha (her first name has been changed) who shares her testimony on this topic.

Depression and desire for change

I met my husband when I was 19 years old. We had two sons. My life remained stable and organized for more than thirty years. But, at the age of 53, I suffered depression, got divorced and lost twenty kilos. I felt like my husband was no longer looking at me, while I wanted to flirt again – and maybe rediscover something from my youth because I did it with a group of friends when I was 17. Tried to connect again…

Not all returned the call, but I found it very useful to see some of them again during a short trip to my home area. But all my friends were married or in relationships, so I had no one to go out with. I saw a psychologist and did real work to successfully get out of myself for the first time in my life.

“Okay now, either kill yourself or get out.”

That’s what I told myself on a gloomy Saturday night. I went to the terrace of a café, where – unfortunately – I was alone, then to a cinema screening at 10 pm, where, again, I found myself alone. I was not discouraged and set myself an even tougher challenge: going to a nightclub alone. I went there with a lump of anxiety in my throat, but in the end, two charming couples made me feel comfortable and invited me to their table. A woman is never alone for long at a disco!

It was here that I met Davy, who was ten years younger than me. He told me he was 48, or even younger… I didn’t tell him no out of fear that he would leave me. Then my relationship started changing with age. Before this, I was a mother, a wife and no one cared about my age. When I started going out again, making new friends, everyone asked me. Since I was often assumed to be younger than my age, I avoided disclosing my age as much as possible for fear of being labeled old. I stayed with Davy for eight or nine months.

twenty years apart as a couple

A few months later, at a disco, I met Ellen, who was 34, twenty years my junior. We danced slow: She told me she didn’t like young people, and I told her that was a good thing because I don’t like old people. Since I was still having difficulty accepting the milestone of 50, which felt really unnatural to me, I told her I was 49 (even though I was already 54). I am very sensitive physically and I fell in love with her at first sight. Very attentive to me, gentle, helpful, with a heart of gold, he was truly my serving knight, carrying my groceries or cooking. We were both coming out of a breakup and together, we built a beautiful life with lots of outings: bars, restaurants, village festivals, theatre, romantic weekends, holidays…

He brought to me his youth, his vitality, his joy of living and in return, I think I reassured him a lot and represented a certain security. He had flaws, especially the lack of maternal love. Of course I was both friend and mother to him. She often needs my approval, my advice, to know how to behave in society, what clothes to choose for a special occasion or how to complete a certain administrative procedure… Twenty years between us Despite the distance, our couple was like any other. We got my sons (who are now 36 and 39) and my granddaughter (who is now 7). There was no question of children because he did not want them.

Others’ (overwhelming) perspective on the couple

With him, I felt like a teenager again. I forgot my age and I know it… so did he. It is the gaze of others that often brings us back to our age difference. For example, her mother didn’t want to see me for a long time, calling me a “cougar.” In stores, saleswomen would sometimes offend me by asking if this was my son. But her looking at me was very satisfying. When I told her that I was going to do thalassotherapy sessions to improve myself physically, she told me that it was useless and that I was fine like this… I was glad when she told me that her friends I look beautiful, always on top”.

I’ve always loved taking care of myself, and the efforts I have to make to keep myself in tip top shape to be with a younger man is perfect for me! I do sports (gym, yoga, brisk walking) and often go to the hairdresser and beautician… With Ellen, we were good together but, sexually, there was not much desire between us anymore, so we two Separated for years. First, after a relationship of seven and a half years.

Heart’s choice despite society’s opinion

Some time after our separation, in 2022, I met another man, this time on the terrace of a café where I was with a friend. From the very beginning, I clearly saw that Aurelien was younger than me. I prayed he would still be a little bigger than Ellen, but, in fact, he was even smaller! Only 40 years old, or twenty-three years younger than me, who is now 63. While I lived with a man my age for thirty years, since the divorce I have only been attracted to men who are much younger than me. , I am the first surprise and I don’t know how to explain it. I don’t often find men in their 50s or 60s very attractive, and it’s true that I’m attracted to younger guys.

The same is true on dating sites I briefly registered on after my divorce. My stories always start the same way, with love at first sight. I think I’m the one who chooses my boyfriends but – luckily – they like me too! With Aurélien, at first sight, I felt something very strong, but I didn’t think that she would be interested in me! She is young, very beautiful. I’m mesmerized by her physique: I watch her sleep, I find myself looking at her buttocks when she opens the door to the apartment in front of me… When we saw her and her boyfriend, with my friend, at this cafe , we said to ourselves: “Two small lots like this, we can’t let them go. We talked about them the way men often talk about women.

Between passion and difficulties related to age difference.

Sexually, I feel like I’ve won the Holy Grail: I’ve never felt anything like it, and I tell myself that at my age, I’ll never experience it again. She is very different from Ellen, being very “very”, whereas Ellen was sometimes very “childish”. Between us, it’s volcanic, passionate. I have to admit that sometimes I’m glad to find myself different, more impulsive. During an argument, I walked into my car while he was still trying to talk to me through the front window… He is very manly sometimes and not always easy to get along with, but, Between us, nothing is regular. The day he is no longer in my life, how bored I will be!

I’m proud to go out with Aurélien on my arm, to see how women – and sometimes even men – see her. It’s enjoyable to me and I can see that he displays a kind of charisma. But there is more jealousy with a younger man. I was already jealous of Alain, who looked at other women a lot, and also jealous of Aurélien. I often want to look at his cell phone, if I were his age I would probably feel more threatened.

“And to think that at the age of 53 I thought my life was over.”

People keep thinking that I don’t look my age, but I know that time is on my side. By hiding my faults, I am still creating illusions. Personally, I pay attention to the lighting and make sure it’s not too harsh because I know that my skin is getting looser in places, that my breasts are less firm… A friend once Asked me why Aurélien stayed with me when he could have all the girls he wanted. I think she was mostly jealous, but I have to admit that I also often ask myself this question. I know he has joined me. He wanted to meet my sons and thinks I’m a beautiful person. But even if he tells me the opposite, I’m not sure he’ll actually admit our age difference to his friends.

Sometimes, I regret my past quiet life: I could return to my ex-husband, who still loves me, or to Ellen, who tells me she is very sad since I left. Is. He never started his life again and we keep meeting each other from time to time without any ambiguity. I also know I need to accept my age more, but when I remember at 53 I thought my life was over, I’m amazed at all the things I’ve done. What I have actually experienced in the last ten years. With Aurélien, I don’t make plans for the future. I don’t think our relationship will last very long, but I needed to experience this today, as someone who got into a relationship at such a young age. Let’s just say life gives me a gift that I take advantage of! I don’t think I’ll ever experience this kind of passion again. In the two years that I have been with this phenomenon, I have never felt so alive. ,