Self-esteem, resilience, freedom: what if we changed our perspective on ghosts?

Selfish, cruel, disrespectful, cowardly, immature: ghosts clearly don’t have a good reputation. It is often considered harmful to suddenly ignore the other person and end a relationship without explanation, whether it concerns friendly, romantic, or professional relationships.

However, a more nuanced perspective allows us to consider this practice from another angle. What if “ghosts” weren’t so negative?

Hyperconnectivity and the impact on our social connections

In a hyperconnected world where we are constantly within reach, communication overload and the expectation of constant availability can be oppressive. This constant connectivity creates enormous pressure to constantly respond and interact. So digital technology has made conversations easier, but also made sudden and brutal breakdowns easier, making them more visible. A specific term designates this practice: “haunting”.

On social networks, where relationships are often numerous, superficial and expectations are low, “ghosting” may appear as a way to manage relational overload without having to justify each end of an exchange. For some people, breaking off relationships overnight, without warning or explanation, becomes a way to conserve their time and energy and regain control in the face of excessive communication pressure. Is this condemnable? Note that before social networks, “ghosting” existed, but communication disruptions were less visible, manifested in ignoring calls or letters.

to disappear in order to preserve (oneself)

With the proliferation of relationships through social media, it is difficult to provide detailed explanations to each person. Therefore, when a relationship is just starting and there is low commitment, it may be considered acceptable to stop communicating without justifying it. Sometimes words are not enough to end a relationship, especially if the other party does not want to accept the reality. If a person feels the need to cut ties because they are no longer interested in or maintaining their own well-being, this decision should be respected. Every individual has the right to define his own boundaries and protect the boundaries of his social life.

Rather than face direct confrontation that may be considered stressful, many people prefer silence. This choice, far from the inability to communicate, reflects a desire to avoid emotional discomfort and a fear of the other’s judgment, anger, or grief, making “ghosting” sometimes less cruel than the obvious breakup. In toxic or abusive relationships, it is a means of protection to avoid potentially dangerous interactions. Therefore this sudden cutoff may be a necessary safety measure to protect one’s physical and emotional integrity and/or the safety of another.

So “ghosting” can be a clear, albeit cruel, message indicating that the relationship is over… Furthermore, we can see this act as a form of liberation from the gaze of the other: we believe That it is not in political correctness and goes against good thinking (which is not a virtue).

Fragile ego tested on the test of social acceptance

“Ghosting” highlights a paradox in the way we understand human relationships. In a hyperconnected society, self-esteem is often based on the approval of others. So when someone suddenly stops communicating, the rejection is seen as a threat to one’s self-worth. We may have the feeling that we have ceased to exist and are experiencing a virtual death. This narcissistic fragility, coupled with the impossibility of understanding, because there is no longer an interlocutor, can increase the pain of “ghosting”, turning a simple breakdown in communication into a personal offense. Recognizing that some brokenness is not related to one’s own worth, but to the needs or limitations of another, is evidence of emotional maturity.

Furthermore, is it certain that direct discussion would be more beneficial? Many people overestimate their ability to accept criticism in a positive manner. Instead of providing constructive explanations, the conversation may become insulting and insulting, leading to anger and resentment. So it’s important to ask ourselves whether we would be able to really listen to why the other person wants to end the relationship, perhaps addressing our mistakes and the reasons for their disinterest in us. In this case, “ghosting” can protect both parties.

Furthermore, expecting an explanation from the person who was ghosted is less a desperate search for validation and repair than a genuine desire to understand the situation. We look for reasons to give meaning to this lack of response, because we have difficulty accepting that some brokenness may be independent of our own value. And even if that were the case… you can’t please everyone!

Recovering from Ghosting: Embracing Uncertainty and Demonstrating Resilience

Although being “ghosted” is never pleasant and can be experienced as real psychological violence, if we have good self-esteem, this type of rejection should not shake us deeply. A resilient and self-confident person understands that their value should not be overly dependent on others, and the behavior of the ghosted person often says more about them than the person being ghosted. And, why not promote the fact that the other was able to give himself this freedom?

It is also important to tolerate the uncertainty and frustration that are part of human relationships. When you’re ghosted, it’s difficult to deal with the lack of clear answers, which makes it difficult to grieve a relationship, but it’s also part of the complexity of human relationships. Recognizing that some situations don’t end the way we want, that we can’t control others, and that breakups are sometimes sudden and unexplained, strengthens our ability to manage the unexpected. Can. No one needs to give us a full explanation, especially in recent or casual relationships.

Disadvantages of victim mentality

In today’s society, there is a growing tendency to consider oneself a victim, which is deeply influencing the behavior and perception of individuals. “Ghost bashing”, or the demonization of disappearances without explanation, is a vivid example. The culture of victimhood (and its valorization), narcissistic fragility, and the constant need for validation have a detrimental effect on people’s ability to manage frustration, take responsibility, and develop the effective agency needed to move forward in life. This tendency manifests itself in the way “ghosts” are experienced. Rather than view lack of response as a simple communication difficulty or a matter of personal preference, some people simply view themselves as victims of inappropriate behavior. This posture prevents them from learning to manage frustration and understanding that others may have legitimate reasons for acting this way. As a result, they constantly see themselves as victims, which prevents them from taking a step back, civilizing themselves, and considering situations from a more nuanced and less dramatic angle.

In the age of social networks, “ghosting”, often declared demonic, may be a reasonable response in some situations. A more nuanced approach allows us to place this practice in the context of the complexity and unpredictability of human relationships. Thus, learning to manage uncertainty and frustration means learning to cope with the cracks, whatever they may be, that inevitably impact our survival.