The 5 biggest regrets people have before they die
“Youth is a short mistake, and old age is a long regret.” This quote from author Henry DuVernois reminds us to what extent regret is a bitter but inevitable emotion. What is your biggest regret in life? Very often, the answer lies in your past, but also, unknowingly, in the present. Who better than those who are about to die to teach us how to live life to the fullest?
in his work Top five regrets of dying (The Five Biggest Regrets of Dying), Australian nurse Bronny Ware recorded the last words of patients in palliative care. While accompanying more than 5,000 patients during their final weeks of life, Bronny Ware observed that the dying often expressed regret about their past.
“I wish I had the courage to live the life I wanted”
In search of happiness, the nurse begins noting her patients’ last wishes on a blog she calls Inspiration and tea. He was so popular that it spawned his own book, “The Five Greatest Regrets of the Dying.” In general, she asks people an open question at the end of her life: “Tell us about your life.” They often respond that they regret that the death of a loved one prevented them from completing certain projects or that they feel sorry for people they have hurt. Sometimes patients share what they are proud of in their life or how they want to be remembered. Thus he collected the 5 most common regrets people have before they die:
- “I wish I had the courage to live the life I wanted, not the life expected of me.”
- “I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.”
- “I wish I had the courage to express my feelings.”
- “I would like to keep in touch with my friends”
- “I wish I had allowed myself to be happy”
Creative and therapeutic regrets
“When asked about their regrets or what they would do differently,” she says, “common themes keep coming up. », says the nurse. The bottom line for Bronny Ware: The clarity of vision people achieve at the end of their lives and how we can learn from their wisdom. “When people realize that their life is almost over and they look at it with clarity, it is interesting to see how many dreams they had and did not realize. ,
Since regrets belong to a bygone era, why inflict this psychological pain on yourself? In fact, they can be beneficial, provided you look at them from a different perspective. As psychologist and psychiatrist Isabelle Filliozat explained to us, when we asked her about the role of our regrets, “Looking in the rearview mirror means being aware of another option that was possible to choose, and therefore reflecting on your previous decision. to do.” “Deep down, it’s always the same thing we regret: not listening to us, not moving in the direction of our needs.” Regret is constructive, the psychiatrist insists, “as soon as we take the time to think about what it says about us: Why do I feel this way? Why didn’t I listen to myself more that day? » But after all, isn’t living so much the same as dying without regrets?