The reasons that prevent men from seeing a psychologist

Every minute, someone commits suicide in the world. Given this alarming figure, this month of November encouraged men to grow a mustache for a good cause: raising awareness of men’s mental health. “Men, whatever their age group, are often not aware that they have a mental health problem and do not dare to ask for help. Stereotypes about men’s relationship with their virility are killing them little by little,” warns the Movember Foundation Charity in a press release.

Considered strong, impassive and stoic, men have learned to silence their discomfort. However, 77% of them experience psychological disorders. A distressing observation which illustrates the prevalence of preconceived ideas preventing men from tackling their psychological problems head on.

Why are men so reluctant to see a psychologist?

How can the concept of virility take precedence over the psyche? The French journalist and author Maud Le Rest explored this question in her essay You should see someone. An investigation into men’s relationship with mental health (Ed. Anne Carrière). His first observation: many men struggle to talk about their mental health or consult a psychologist. How to explain it? According to the conclusions of her investigation, the journalist points to several factors: pride and competitive spiritpillars of a certain conception of virility, prevent one from crossing the threshold of a psychiatry office. But in reality, beyond the denial from which they suffer, men would have difficulty recognize and manage their own emotions. “Men tend to minimize their symptoms and prefer to hide their discomfort for fear of stigma,” analyzes clinical psychologist Claire Petin.

For many men, seeing a psychologist is a woman’s issue. Opening up about one’s anxieties, exposing oneself, expressing one’s emotions… These behaviors directly clash with the model of hegemonic masculinity that reassures them so much. A gender paradox that fuels the infernal cycle. “Men tend to keep quiet about their psychological difficulties, including from their doctors, and the male media maintain this silence, only talking about physical fitness and well-being,” warns Mickael Worms-Ehrminger, doctor in public health and cognitive sciences. A concrete consequence of this taboo is that men consult much later than women in the progression of their disorders. They therefore arrive for consultation with more severe disorders, more established and more difficult to treat. The prognosis is often worse.”

Men’s mental health: preconceived ideas persist

What if the fundamental reason that prevents men from seeking help is their own stigma? The numbers speak for themselves: 77% of them have already experienced symptoms such as anxiety or depression. For psychoanalyst Christian Richomme, these figures are directly linked to the difficulty men have in expressing their emotions and asking for support. What he calls emotional repression, justified by the fear of appearing weak, often leads to isolation and untreated psychological disorders. “Many men think that if they show their emotions, they risk losing their credibility or respectability, whether in their professional or personal life,” specifies the specialist.

Men have long been seen as the pillars of the family, responsible for the well-being of those close to them, which required them to repress any form of vulnerability interpreted as an admission of weakness. “Men are said to be stoic, that they do not cry in public and, more generally, that they control their emotions and inhibit their expression,” underline social psychology researchers Silvia Krauth-Gruber, Paula Niedenthal and François Ric. In their work “Understanding emotions”they are interested in the perception of emotions according to gender. “Men remain calm and maintain self-control, even in difficult situations.” But where do these preconceived ideas about men come from? To understand this, we have to go back further in time. Christian Richomme deciphers a key concept, inherited from our ancestors: stoic virility.

“Stoic virility”: when masculinity becomes toxic

“During the Roman Empire, the idea of ​​stoic virility was reinforced with leaders such as Marcus Aurelius, emperor and Stoic philosopher, who embodied resilience and self-control,” analyzes Christian Richomme. Being stoic meant remaining strong despite pain and difficulties. This image is deeply anchored in Western culture and has crossed the centuries to become a dominant masculine model.” For the psychoanalyst, this vision of virility remains, even today, deeply anchored in our society. From childhood, they are encouraged to “be strong” and “not cry”. These injunctions end up forming limiting beliefs, impacting their ability to express their emotions, to ask for help, or to show themselves vulnerable. These barriers, often unconscious and far from insignificant, weigh heavily not only on their well-being, but also on that of their loved ones. The legacy of “stoic masculinity” is still present, but it is time to rethink this notion.

“True strength lies not in the repression of one’s emotions, but in the ability to experience and express them,” underlines the specialist. Society is changing, and men now have the opportunity to free themselves from this rigid model to build a masculinity that resembles them, more authentic and more connected. Crying, showing your emotions, is not renouncing your virility, on the contrary it is fully embracing your humanity.”

How to raise awareness among men about their mental health?

Despite these figures, awareness still remains insufficient, and many men hesitate to consult out of fear or lack of information. “To transform this heritage, it is essential to start from childhood. Parents, educators, and society as a whole have a role to play in encouraging boys to express their emotions without shame, says Christian Richomme. This means recognizing and validating their feelings, helping them put words to what they feel, and showing them that vulnerability is part of the human experience.” The environment also plays a major role. Men also need to be supported to redefine their own vision of manhood, without the weight of traditional expectations.

If men tend to minimize their symptoms, “they prefer to hide their discomfort for fear of stigma,” analyzes clinical psychologist Claire Petin. “I think it is crucial to train caregivers in the specificities of male mental disorders and to adapt care pathways to improve the diagnosis and monitoring of men,” she continues. It is also important to raise public awareness of the symptoms of male mental illness (depression in particular) and to encourage men to overcome shame… and gender stereotypes to talk about their mental health.”

For Christian Richomme, men must understand that being strong does not mean ignoring their suffering, but on the contrary, “recognizing their limits and knowing how to ask for help when it is necessary. By freeing the floor on emotions, we open the way to a more complete, richer, and, above all, more human masculinity.”