These reasons that prevent us from meeting with love

“To make everything happy, and always single”, this Rebetu attachs the contradiction a thousand times that stick to the skin of the heart alone. Of course, celibacy is far from deadly. And fortunately in France, 18 million people are single, according to Latest data from Insee,

Beyond Clich, this period can be particularly rich in lessons. People who? With the complexity of clinical psychological clair Petin, we understand the reasons that prevent us from finding love. The reflection required to know each other in a better way is and yet another emotional disappointment.

1. We are stopping happiness

And if it was alone First an unconscious option What if we were the main obstacles that stand on the path of our love? Fear of being happy is one of the contradictory reasons that obstructs our search for the loved one. Psychologist Claire Petin says that in the background, the fear of a relationship failure that will not be even a family or cultural standards, with a form of crime, which is equivalent to prohibition. “We feel guilty about your loved ones: no longer available to them, or when they are single, display our happiness as a couple and they are struggling to meet lovingly,” expert.

It should be said that our limited beliefs are a difficult tooth. “And they are as much as they are stubborn. This can be for example: a woman should always be careful, a man should not be sensitive. Finding love and sharing it will then be an infection, ”psychoanalyst Sophie Cadlen suggests. Messages sent in childhood do not help things. We avoid being in a relationship with the loyalty to our parents and/or loyal to the image that we are made with ourselves. “It is always” difficult “to break the chain”, as stated in psychoanalysis. But it is more heavy to respect it. It is a matter of children whose parents of parents were clearly ideal. They went and agreed to be unable to reproduce such a completion plan, they do not even try.

2. We are afraid of rejection

Meet someone puts us in front of our insecurity. The fear of being rejected leads to the defense system, a little armor, prevents us from having completely. “When we expect to be rejected, we cannot welcome the feelings of the other, we do to avoid any commitment that can put us in this position again,” Gwenl Persiax, Psychological and The author says Healing attachment wound (Ed. Irols). It is characterized by avoiding attachment. Now, not to invest in a relationship, to assume that it will not work or that we have no value in the eyes of another, the person we love ends as we guessed Was … This is an autorasing prediction by which it is predicted. We generate rejection that we do so much. ,

For psychologist Claire Petin, meeting with another is always a risk, rejection, decision, disappointment. She says: “Behind this fear of meeting, often lacks self -confidence, a delicate ego that is afraid of being injured. We sometimes present unrealistic expectations on the other, consciously or unknowingly That it fills insecurity.

3. We feel the “prisoner” of our loneliness

Torn between the need of the other and the fear of the other, we do not now know how to meet. How should I introduce myself? What should I reveal about myself? All these questions reflect our shortcomings. Claire Petin says, “We lost the ability to meet and find.” When we find ourselves facing another, we do not know what to say or how. ,

Contrariously, while suffering to loneliness One of ten frenchAs Final IFOP survey*, Meeting and romantic commitment that can result in consequences is scary. Why ? Claire Petin explains, “Because it is to make space for another and to accept that a relationship essentially changes our way of living.” We have our routine, our habits, our bearings and meetings can disturb everyday life. We come out of an egoistic logic in which we can find some rest. On social networks, often, we already know a lot about another. We already have access to a whole part of their secrecy. So many topics that we no longer approach, which exchanges and make epiorsis even before the prejudice meeting. These prejudice and prejudice prevent us from searching for another. ,

4. We are afraid of being attached

“An attachment, vulnerability and therefore suffer in a state of attachment, vulnerability or disillusionment, explain to a psychologist. It is also afraid of being lost in a relationship that will eventually not suit us. This fear often nourishes from previous experiences. Is, limits beliefs or worrying to reproduce the pattern of a relaxed family, for example, we believe that we should be loved by another, we should pass it first and say that it should be said. In the same way that we can be liked … for the desire to tie so many brakes.

To attach, at least in part, for a certain freedom, which is chosen celibacy or loneliness. Any relationship is a form of interpretation that is not necessarily toxic, but which lies in human relations. In short, it should be accepted that it is normal for another and another’s feelings should be taken into account. We need existence for another. This interdependence can be considered as a danger: the fear of the need of another reflects the fear of poisoning, hold, presenting, abuse. ,

5. We are victims of digital contradictions

Jennifer, 42, is one of the singles who find it difficult to find love. “To tell the truth, I wonder even though I really seek it, because I struggle a lot to find it, she believes us. After years spent in fulfilling applications, I boring myself Kara: we meet everything, good people, but out of step with our expectations, others who are looking for the same thing, but do not dare to accept it, and of course, “Twist “” Those who believe that they are allowed behind a screen. It takes infinite patience, and honestly, I no longer have energy for it. »Social networks and meeting applications with digital, exchanges and romantic encounters facilitated It is believed to enhance all the difficulties mentioned, psychological Claire Analyzes Petin, in addition, they promote a consumerist approach to relationships. Are. When we have three dates a week, we cannot invest too much: neither in money, nor in emotions. Results: We risk risking risk and making less efforts because we know that we will have other upcoming meetings. But there is no question for a single to deprive yourself of apps, which, like Jennifer, consider them an essential way to meet the soul partner. 42 -The virgin of the year says, “Without apps, meeting someone becomes a real challenge, even by leading a busy life and multiplying activities.” I know what I don’t want now, but contradictory, I am not sure I know what I really want. As soon as I present a “red flag”, I also reduced without any living luck. Perhaps my need saves me … or gives me a break? Series failures, repeat the same diagram repeatedly, using it. For force, we wonder if it is worth trying to really try to gain experience, or if it is just one door open for a new disappointment. ,

There is a name for emotional fatigue described by Jennifer: dating fatigue. “A lot of options, too much superficial interaction, too much disappointment, too much exchange that do not succeed in anything and who do not want to start you again, Clair Petin commented. This tiredness all the time To be available and respond, is pronounced by an emotional allegation. It nurtures the growing mistrust of the other. So on both sides: We protect ourselves and close. The other becomes a possible danger and we, a power hunting. ,

6. We can’t let go

A form of aggrieved argument is necessary where everyone is afraid of being injured, manipulating, cheating, making relationships even more complicated. However, being unsafe is contradictory that makes it possible to establish an honest relationship with the other, analyzes the psychologist. “The courage to meet the other is to let go, to control everything, to reveal a part of the intimate, to be surprised and therefore to remove its fears and its prejudices. Perhaps this is time to get out of virtual, to find places of meetings in real life, to trust and trust. This means welcoming a part of uncertainty and agreeing to accept that we will not love and do not love in return. This is where all the dizz of the meeting occurs: to face the unknown, to identify that the other does not feel the same things like us, that he can surprise us and accept that he can accept us Can volatile. ,

Is this dit: “I am afraid of rejection, but I am afraid of what it will produce in my house, to complete myself deeply into its existence”Nevertheless, it is in the form of letting it go that we can actually meet others in all their eccentricity, Clair Petin says. It is not as we would like it but as it is.

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*IFOP survey was done with samples of 2,432 people, who were representatives of the French population over 18 years of age. The survey suggests that more than ten ten French people (44%) feel regularly alone, whether every day (5%), often (13%) or time -time (26%).