This attitude adopted towards narcissists can be counterproductive

People who have high levels of narcissism generally have a high opinion of themselves. It would therefore never occur to you to flatter a person whose ego already seems very inflated.

But when you have to deal with the personality of a narcissist on a daily basis, whether in your personal or professional environment, you may be tempted to do so. Especially when you are looking to gain an advantage. However, this approach would be more than risky. Researchers from Jiaotong University in Beijing were interested in the benefit of the technique aimed at showing oneself more sympathetic in the eyes of others to influence a hierarchical superior.

Flattery, an ineffective technique?

In their research published in the Journal of Organizational Behaviorthe researchers sought to find out whether flattering one’s superior could have consequences on the relationship and perception of the worker. Adopting the strategy of appearing likeable to others through flattery can have positive effects on recruiter evaluations, employee pay raises, promotability and career success, researchers agree. On the other hand, when it comes to flattery considered excessive, that is to say which is disproportionate, erroneous or ill-suited to the situation, it plunges more into embarrassment than it inflates the ego. . So, this approach is counterproductive in general.

When it came to narcissistic personalities, the relationship seemed to weaken. However, the more subtle flattery aimed at using positive and appropriate words to compliment, and being concerned about one’s personal life in appropriate situations, was the most appropriate regardless of the personality in front. Researchers note that the more narcissistic the supervisor, the more effective the excessive flattery will be. However, you must be sure to know the person’s levels of narcissism. to avoid making this approach counterproductive and generate embarrassment. “In short, making others feel uncomfortable rather than liking you is clearly not a good impression management strategy,” summarizes clinical psychologist Susan Krauss Whitbourne. Psychology Today. When it comes to flattery, stick to the facts. »

Acting in the face of a narcissistic boss

“When you are dealing with a narcissist, you must understand that pathological narcissism acts on your psyche,” recalls Laurie Hollman, psychoanalyst, for Choosing Therapy. Focus on your own perspective of your accomplishments and be your own guide in evaluating your work and your worth. » Having to deal with a narcissistic superior on a daily basis can lead to doubting one’s work, one’s abilities and, ultimately, leads to loss of concentration, productivity and self-esteem.

Beyond giving measured compliments, Laurie Hollman advises making sure you find ways to remember your worth, your skills, your qualifications, and what got you to where you are today. ‘today. To do this, seek support from your colleagues or those around you. “Share what you’re experiencing with loved ones or others you trust so that you can hear aloud other valid perspectives about your work, your character, and your reasonable goals for the future,” says -she. Be aware of what is at stake in this balance of power by remembering that it is his personality and not your work that weighs.