Everyone knows that trust is the glue that binds a couple together. Preserving it is therefore essential for the well-being of the relationship. But while we strive to communicate to maintain it, some of our unconscious behaviors can put the couple to the test.
This is, in short, the observation drawn up by the psychoanalyst Christian Richomme, author of the work Fears in romantic relationships (Net editions). According to the specialist, a trend influences our romantic relationships in the modern era: “constant comparison”. In this context, romantic attachment becomes a spectacle, a “public performance” which can distance one from the reality of the intimate relationship, warns the psychoanalyst. Decryption.
The effect of “constant comparison”: toxic behavior in couples
In our frantic race for performance, love can also become a question of competition. “Under the influence of social networks, romantic attachment is tinged with a form of constant comparison, which was not as present in the relationships of previous generations,” underlines the psychoanalyst. In social psychology, the “social comparison bias” pushes us to evaluate our own worth by comparing ourselves to others.
Couples who travel, who dine in trendy restaurants, who sleep under the stars… Social networks showcase moments of life formerly reserved for intimacy. We are constantly exposed to idealized images of happy couples, often very staged, creating a distorted vision of what “a perfect couple” is, deciphers Christian Richomme. “On a psychoanalytic level, this constant exposure can awaken unconscious feelings of insecurity: what Freud called “the uncanny.” Seeing these seemingly perfect couples, we are both fascinated and disturbed, confronted with our own insecurities. Doubt sets in: “Why don’t I have that too? “This pressure sometimes pushes one of the partners, or both, to adopt one-upmanship behavior: overplaying complicity, posting exaggerated love photos, to avoid appearing less happy.”
The influence of social networks on the proper functioning of the couple
In addition to fueling this permanent comparison, social networks create pressure in the couple. Faking joy, forcing oneself to display one’s happiness and exposing one’s life risks moving away from one’s natural sensations, leading to an emotional disconnection between the two protagonists. A shame when we know that they were designed to connect people together. Social networks thus have a subtle but profound impact on the dynamics of romantic relationships, explains Christian Richomme.
“By observing the interactions of couples today, we see that networks directly influence our way of bonding, of perceiving others, and of managing emotions such as jealousy or doubt,” analyzes the specialist. This phenomenon, although apparently modern, activates ancestral psychological and psychoanalytic mechanisms, thus transforming our loves. »