This fear ruins most relationships according to this psychologist
Why do some relationships seem doomed from the start? The answer, according to Harvard psychiatrist Dr. Joseph A. Shrand in an article for Psychology Today often resides in a sneaky fear: that of being alone. This feeling, deeply rooted in our survival instinct, pushes us to look for a partner at all costs. But this quest can also lead us to compromise on our basic needs, or to project our insecurities onto our partners.
The problem intensifies when low self-esteem is added to this fear. A person who sees themselves as “unlikeable” will tend to assume that others perceive them the same way. This dynamic, called projection, can create tension in a relationship, fueling unfounded doubts and a constant feeling of insecurity.
Fear of rejection slows down beginnings
People with low self-esteem are often hesitant to start relationships. Convinced that they don’t deserve love or that they will be rejected, they avoid even giving themselves a chance. This fear can become a vicious cycle: the more they avoid interactions, the more they reinforce their negative beliefs about themselves.
For those already in a relationship, low self-esteem can manifest as a constant fear of losing their partner. This fear of abandonment can result in possessive behavior or excessive needs for reassurance. Unfortunately, this can stifle the relationship and create unnecessary conflict.
The key: seeing yourself through your partner’s eyes
The most fulfilling relationships, experts say, are those where partners perceive each other as capable and lovable. This caring look not only strengthens the romantic bond, but also self-confidence.
Telling your partner that they are exceptional, thanking them for small everyday gestures, or simply reminding them how important they are to you can stimulate the production of oxytocin, this hormone that strengthens emotional bonds.
Don’t forget yourself in the quest for love
However, feeling loved begins with loving yourself. A partner cannot fill an inner void.
Learning to recognize your own value, to cultivate your strengths, and to offer yourself the same kindness that you reserve for others is essential. This inner work lays the foundations of a healthy and balanced relationship.
How to build strong relationships?
To prevent the fear of loneliness from destroying a relationship, it is crucial to act in advance. Develop your self-esteem: Regularly remind yourself of your qualities and successes. Communicate openly: Share your fears and needs with your partner to avoid misunderstandings.
Show gratitude: Valuing your partner not only strengthens their self-esteem, but also your connection. Avoid projecting your insecurities: Take a step back and question your anxious thoughts before giving them too much importance.