This is why you keep coming back to him even though he treats you badly

Why is it so hard to break up with someone who treats you badly? Feelings and attachment can sometimes trap us in harmful relationships. Here are three main reasons that explain this phenomenon and ways to regain control of your love life according to Jeffrey Bernstein, psychologist for Psychology Today.

The dopamine cycle: addiction to unpredictable love

When your partner alternates between moments of affection and periods of neglect, your brain enters an addictive cycle. Rare positive moments release dopamine, the pleasure hormone, prompting you to constantly seek out those pleasant sensations. This unpredictability creates an emotional dependence similar to what one may experience with gambling or other compulsive behaviors. Even though these happy moments are rare, the hope of reliving them keeps you attached to the relationship.

Tip: To break this cycle, surround yourself with caring people and engage in activities that bring you satisfaction. This will help your brain associate pleasure with healthy, regular sources.

Low self-esteem: thinking you don’t deserve better

If you lack self-confidence, you may believe that you do not deserve to be treated with respect and love. This negative perception pushes you to accept unacceptable behavior, convinced that this is all you can hope for. You may then unconsciously seek partners who reflect this lack of value you feel.

Tip: Work on your self-esteem by listing your qualities, your successes and what makes you a unique person. Do not hesitate to consult a professional or talk to a loved one to help you recognize your value.

The illusion of change

You cling to the hope that your partner will change, remembering the rare times they were caring. This “fantasy of change” makes you believe that with enough love and patience, it will eventually match your expectations. Unfortunately, waiting for someone to change without their willingness to change often leads to more disappointment and suffering.

Tip: Observe your partner’s actual actions rather than their promises or isolated memories of good times. Keep a journal if necessary to have a clear picture of the situation. Remember that you deserve to be loved and respected now, not in some hypothetical future.