This one thing that all lasting friendships have in common

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This one thing that all lasting friendships have in common

Friends for life. If there are any relationships we seek to maintain and hope will last a lifetime, it’s friendships. We wonder if our romantic relationships can work, we rarely get attached to our professional relationships, and we (sometimes) put up with our family relationships. But as for friends, we rarely consider breaking up.

However, over the course of our lives and our experiences, certain friendships run out of steam or suddenly break up. So how can we preserve these relationships that are essential to our physical and mental well-being so that they stay with us as long as possible?

The key to a relationship that works

What is the secret to a lasting friendship? “There are many things that can be cited: common interests, similar personalities, shared experiences,” lists Hannah Owens, a mental health professional, for Very Well Mind. But there is one thing that no lasting friendship can do without: the limits. »Useful in all our personal and professional relationships, limits are those elements which ensure empathy and mutual respect, specifies the expert.

“When you set a boundary in a relationship, you express to the other person what you expect of them and how you want to be treatedshe specifies. Setting a boundary may involve telling the other person if something they do makes you uncomfortable or if a particular topic of conversation is off-limits. » Through limits, you do not prevent the other from acting as they wish. On the other hand, you clearly communicate your expectations of him and give an overview of your potential reaction if these limits are not respected. Boundaries can look like a request, such as not calling after a certain time, not invading personal space, allowing time when you have expressed certain emotions, not talking about certain topics, not joking about certain topics.

Essential elements of lasting friendships

“You have the right to set boundaries for what you need in your relationship, and if you love and respect someone, you will respect the boundaries they set for you,” agrees clinical psychologist Amy Marschall for Very Well Mind. However, it is just as natural to have difficulty “imposing” your limits. Fear of making people angry, being criticized or rejected, disappointing others, being seen as difficult or selfish, hurting people, being ignored or misunderstood, and ultimately ending a relationship can prevent us from doing so, recalls Sharon Martin, psychotherapist, for Psychology Today.

Pour effectively set boundariesthe expert recommends following 6 golden rules:

  • Focus on your feelings and needs.
  • Be direct.
  • Be specific.
  • Use a neutral tone.
  • Choose the right time.
  • Consider the other person’s needs.