Typical profile: this is what a personality who despises you looks like

Some personalities are not made to get along. Lack of common points, personalities at odds, respective shyness… But, sometimes, the problem is one-sided and does not come from nowhere. This is particularly the case when contempt arises. invites into the conversation.

To despise someone is to adopt this attitude which consists of putting them aside, ignoring them or being indifferent towards them. Contempt comes through rudeness, ignorance and, very often, lack of respect. The person who despises you will cut you off, roll their eyes or sigh when you say something, exclude you from a conversation, ridicule you, not listen to you, show that they are not interested in you or, simply pretend you don’t exist. In response, you’ll likely feel like your presence is unwanted, that you have no value and no importance, reports Aimee Daramus, clinical psychologist, for Very Well Mind. But why do these personalities adopt this contemptuous behavior?

Fragile self-esteem

If contemptuous people tend to look down on others, they may have a low self-image. In a study published in 2017 in the Journal of Personality and Social PsychologyRoberta A. Schriber, a social psychologist, and her colleagues found that the predisposition to contempt is associated with fragile self-esteem. “Although surprising at first glance, the link between dispositional contempt and fragile self-esteem can be explained by the link between the predisposition to contempt and vulnerable narcissism”, continues the philosopher Berit Brogaard, for Psychology Today.

Researchers have established a link between dispositional contempt and envy, anger and hubris. Coldness, feelings of superiority, narcissism, other-oriented perfectionism, and various antisocial tendencies were also linked to contempt. At the same time, and quite paradoxically, it was also linked “to self-depreciation and emotional fragility, with associations found with low self-esteem, insecure attachment and the feeling that others impose perfectionist standards to the individual,” note the researchers.

Personality types that are more contemptuous than others

Apart from self-esteem, contempt could be linked to personality and in particular to vulnerable narcissismas noted by Berit Brogaard. “Vulnerable narcissism is one of the antagonistic personalities of what is known as the vulnerable dark triad,” she writes. While the vulnerable narcissist does not lack a grandiose sense of self-importance and demonstrates a need for admiration, he or she is also characterized by feelings of insecurity, low self-esteem, and hypersensitivity to criticism. Harder to identify because masked by facades of doubt and self-consciousness, vulnerable narcissists are no less quick to “blame others for their mistakes, lash out at perceived disapproval, and exploit relationships for personal gain.” », explains therapist Silvi Saxena, for Choosing Therapy. They also use judgment, belittling, and passive-aggressive communication to assert their superiority in indirect ways.

In their study, Roberta A. Schriber and her colleagues established that contemptuous people have high levels of envy and pride. Because envy is generally a reaction to the achievements of others and hubris is linked to perceptions of one’s own superiority, researchers have interpreted these links as suggesting that contemptuous people may be more sensitive to social evaluation and status.