According to these three experts, 9 bases of self-esteem

Frédéric Fanguet, is a psychiatrist and psychotherapist, most notably the author of the psychological comic book Kathryn Meyer and Line Haakem (illustrated). Self-confidence, how to believe in yourself? (Les Arens, 2024). Pyrene Hertz is a Jungian dancer and art therapist specializing in dance movement therapy and the author of the podcast with Dominic Baumgartner. human condition (cree-aef.com). Saverio Tomasella is a doctor of psychology and psychoanalyst, author of make peace with yourself (Eyerolls, “Poche”, 2024) and podcasts Dare to love yourself, develop confidence (Youtube.com).

These three provide us with their expertise in defining the foundations of self-esteem and their advice for learning to trust yourself.

1. establish good relations with yourself

Saverio Tomasella warns that there is no point trying to gain confidence if you are not in a relationship with yourself first. So first ask yourself: “Am I thinking about myself? What am I doing to myself? How do I date myself? Am I spending time with myself or am I running away from myself?’ The first step to developing self-confidence is to (re)connect with yourself.

Reestablish contact through very simple things: taking time to relax, not always being with others, spending time with yourself looking out the window, listening to the birds… Learn the joy of doing nothing alone. E, sitting. e in the grass or on the couch. To be in good company with yourself, like with a friend.

2. pamper yourself

“Once we (re)establish contact, we learn to pamper ourselves,” says Saverio Tomasella. We reject moral ideas (“Don’t listen to yourself”, “Don’t be selfish”…), and we embrace each other, we do good for each other: the music we love. We listen to what we are, we eat the dishes we love, we get treatments or massages, do yoga, dance, sing or take a walk… whatever is good for us.

We take care of our health with pleasure. Whether we lacked it in childhood or not, our need for care continues into adulthood. Even if others give us something, it is up to us first to treat our child like a caring parent. The resulting feeling of well-being and reliability is a pillar of self-confidence. ,

3. Recognize your strengths, accept your weaknesses

“The aim is not to become superman or superwoman by showing self-confidence,” Frédéric Fanguet emphasizes, “but to succeed in finding a place among others: neither more than them nor less than them, but a proper place in a balanced relationship. This sometimes requires real work on yourself. Because often, the way we see ourselves is biased, distorted. We doubt, we judge ourselves below everything because we see our errors, our failures, our weaknesses and minimize everything else. There are simple exercises to re-establish the truth.

For example, write down your positive behaviors. Make a daily or monthly list of what you’ve done well. If you think you have lost everything, go back to everything since your birth! You can also practice surveys: Ask friends and/or family members – who wish you well – to list what you do well and how good you are in their eyes. Then compare with your list. You will definitely be surprised. This is also very interesting: do the same exercise with a list of your unsuccessful behaviors. Having confidence means being someone you can trust, knowing on what basis you are more or less confident, which aspects of yourself you can trust. This requires knowing your strengths as well as accepting your weaknesses, your failures, your mistakes. Be able to confront them, possibly apologize, analyze, correct. The better we know ourselves, the better we move through life, avoiding dead ends. ,

4. develop your support

Pyrene Hertz summarizes, “Self-confidence is linked to a feeling of security and confidence in life.” Enjoying who we are in the presence of others, being aware of our uniqueness and not trying to be otherwise. In dance therapy, which does not favor aesthetics, but non-verbal, universal language, accessible to everyone, we identify through physical expression and especially at the level of anchoring, if any gaps, Absenteeism is a lack of confidence resulting in interruptions. , And we propose other operating methods, particularly through work on anchoring and support, to experience security and confidence. Only with support on the ground and our vision will the rest of the body be able to stand.

As we become aware of our earth-sky axis, the way we see, the way we place our feet on the ground, and then we begin to place them differently, progress. it occurs. Then we can spread our roots, find support to rise up, open our eyes to the world and thus move forward. ,

5. silencing your inner judge

“”I’m going to say something stupid again”, “I won’t do that”, “I’m not supposed to do that”… Be aware of this critical voice inside you, which is often excessive and limiting , urges Frederic Fangate. And find out where these devaluing beliefs come from that prevent you from having courage, but are, most of the time, unconscious patterns straight from childhood.

A parent who burdened you with their perfectionism and expectations, a teacher who belittled you, classmates who criticized you, found you ugly, stupid… there is a clear line between this wounded child and the adult you are today. Differentiate from. Explain to your inner child that everything is not his fault, comfort him, possibly with the help of a therapist (schema therapy is particularly suitable). This will allow an adult like you to free yourself. ,

6. accept your feelings

Saverio Tomasella recalls, “Whether they are pleasant or difficult to experience, our emotions are all messengers that come from within us.” The more we experience them without running away from them, the more we strengthen our self-confidence, because it is in this transcendence that we realize what we are capable of. We repress those who upset us, or even condemn ourselves for feeling them (“I shouldn’t be angry”, “It’s enough to be sad!”).. .). But being an attentive and mindful presence even in times of fragility is a strength. We can say to ourselves: “I was fragile at that moment, but someone inside me, my deepest being, was able to overcome all that. ,

It’s a skill, a power. Real proof of trusting, believing in yourself, to move forward. Pleasant emotions also reveal our skills. If we come out of the remains of that morality which, sometimes, condemns too much pleasure, too much pleasure, and we let the intensity take over us, we realize that we have the strength – Have the ability to welcome within ourselves the most ecstatic joys, exciting pleasures, ecstatic joys… The active exchange of emotions proves to us that we are a reliable person, who has the power to experience everything that is possible. Life provides him. It really gives you confidence. ,

7. Work

Frédéric Fanguet explains, “Confidence therapy is above all a therapy of action.” The worst thing is to procrastinate and not take action to avoid situations that scare us. Although it is legitimate to hesitate when faced with important decisions, the risk is to get stuck in indecision and give up.

However, many scientific studies show: it is always better to do it right, even if you fail. At least we’ll be glad we tried. But be careful, don’t set your goals too high, work slowly and choose battles in which failure will have very few consequences. Learn to deal with the fear of failure. And learn to congratulate yourself when you succeed! ,

8. dance, improvise

“Am I able to get support? To guide me? To guide?” Pyrene Hertz indicates that these questions are at the heart of the practice of dance therapy: giving one’s weight, letting go, accepting receiving support. e… gaining, maintaining, developing or regaining self-confidence. To do this, dancing is very beneficial – preferably free or improvised – because it promotes the expression of the uniqueness of each individual, rather than learning a technique and an aesthetic dimension. Contact dancing also involves leaning on your partner, one part of the body. Involves getting in touch with your partner If one does not “give” his weight, the other one falls, so you must keep yourself steady, otherwise everything will collapse.

9. surround yourself with good

“Having loved ones who think and say good things about us, who pamper us and to whom we are pampered, can only strengthen self-confidence,” says Saverio Tomasella. This sometimes requires pruning, or at least careful selection.

If we only have relationships where we value each other, where we take care of each other, it creates an environment of giving, which increases the production of dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin… all of these. There are important hormones for happiness and also for ourselves. Self-confidence. It’s a real virtuous circle: We can trust others who trust us too, we see ourselves differently. In your own eyes you become a trustworthy person, a good person. ,