“Never Again: It’s Over With Us”: Abusive Relationships Are Less Than They Seem

A movie casting is currently in the news, Justin Baldoni, the director and co-star of the movie “Jamais Plus: It Ends With Us”, has actually been accused of sexual harassment by actress Blake Lively. According to the media, she accused Justin Baldoni of “spontaneously kissing her without consent, talking to her about her sex life, especially about meetings during which she did not receive the consent of her partners”. . teleramaThe actress also mentioned “retaliation” against her through a media smear campaign*. Having the opportunity to put out this article, which you praised when the film was released in theaters, returns to the topic of toxic relationships, which are not always as clear-cut as one might imagine.

Abusive relationships can be seen and noticed in the collective imagination. However, behind closed doors, many types of unhealthy relationships are played out and thwarted, which can take a turn for the worst. A film addresses the topic of domestic violence through an unexpected lens, and creates controversy along the way. After fully immersing yourself in reading this article, you will not get guaranteed Damage (Everything mentioned here has already been stated in the film’s pitch and trailer), we invite you to take stock of our relationship Our test “Are you in a toxic relationship” (will be found in the article), created in collaboration with psychologists.

A movie with a pop accent…good or bad idea?

Spanning over 2 hours, director Justin Baldoni’s film “Never Again: It Ends With Us” explores serious themes such as violence, grief, anger, but also teenage love, or even resilience… Music Pop In a colourful, floral and bright universe… which is a stark contrast to the themes of VSS, sexism and sexual violence that the feature film addresses. Released on August 14, 2024, you may have heard of it for its subject matter: an abusive relationship, or the conflicts that arose because of it, and continue to this day.

Should we always look at gender-based and sexual violence seriously? This is one of the questions that has arisen from the controversy surrounding the release of the film. We follow Lily Bloom – played by Blake Lively – a young woman who finds herself trapped in an abusive relationship and who tries to break the cycle of domestic violence tied to her family past.

Mass error?

In terms of reception, two approaches clash in favor of the public:

• On the one hand, the need to reach SGBV through imaginary works
• On the other hand, the danger of romanticizing violence

This is the main criticism leveled at the film, but there are others. A promo specifically made by Blake Lively on the TV set, inviting people to watch the film with their friends in floral dresses, was considered “inappropriate” by some. The actress is accused of belittling the issues. Facing controversy, Blake Lively justified herself to BBC News: “What’s important in this movie is that she’s not just a survivor, and even though these are important things they’re not. This is her There is no identity. He is not defined by what anyone has done to him.”

The film is an adaptation of Colleen Hoover’s best-seller – which had already attracted controversy upon its release for the same reasons. The casting, the intriguing universe, a triangular relationship… all these ingredients combined might make us think that the film is nothing but a romantic comedy (we’ll see that’s not necessarily the case).

What is the risk of romanticization of violence among young people?

And that was the subject of controversy when the book was released, then this film adaptation, in relation to a teen audience that risks missing the subtext and romanticizing this relationship. The audience also appears to be the privileged target of this adaptation as the book has become a phenomenon on TikTok since 2021. In France in 2023, “No More: It Ends with Us” was also the most purchased book with the Culture Pass, reserved for 15-18 year olds.

The film also lacks clarity on the true nature of Ryle’s character, the oppressor. Some critics also create ambiguity regarding a third character, which would almost “legitimate” Ryle’s acts of violence towards Lily. An extremely problematic approach to which we will return shortly.

Risk of reactivation of the trauma in question

Finally, the film’s publicity lacks “trigger warnings”, that is, it does not explicitly mention the presence of scenes capable of bringing back trauma in victims of SGBV.

Yet an important issue for later, as the organization reminds us “respect victoria”** Which underlines the importance of people going to see a film with full knowledge of the facts and giving them the choice to watch these scenes or not. Needless to mention, the youngest people may not be prepared to face such scenes and will be exposed to them without the keys necessary to understand their full scope.

At the core of the story: first-person perspective?

Now that we’ve said all that, let’s go to the other side of the prism, to identify some elements that could balance this vision of things, with this postulate: the film will adopt the Lily Bloom point of view. Which would explain this subjective and colorful vision, in a heroine who reveals that she always hides behind her smile and the fact of being happy, just like her mother hid before her.

Thus psychological factors may be added, such as a dependent personality trait, for example, which may explain the failure to see that someone is a victim of an abusive relationship. This positive vision of everything around her will serve as a filter, a defense mechanism, for the young woman who remains in survival mode. His mother herself was a victim of SGBV. And Lily’s character expresses her desire to never become the same [sa] Mother”. lived with her abusive husband until her death. Much will also be said about Lily’s relationship with her abusive father, which is depicted with strong symbolism in the film through an everyday object placed under her father’s grave. Has gone by the girl.

Blurry and fragmented scenes of violence

The idea of ​​a distorted vision of reality that we are given to see – and the underlying psychological mechanisms that may be at work – is that physical scenes of violence appear to us blurry and fragmented.

Which may echo the state of confusion in which the victim finds himself, who finds it difficult to accept the idea that he could be. She will also rely on the view of events imposed by her attacker Ryle, which is reminiscent of gaslighting, a method of manipulation regularly seen in abusive relationships and which aims to make the victim doubt her own perception of events, Its effect has to be established. ,The doubt sown leads you to question your memory”As psychiatrist Isabelle Nazaré-Agha explains.

Lily Bloom’s Traumatized Vision

So we would have a completely corrupted view of the life of young Lily Bloom, who is exposed to violence from a very young age, who pretends not to be. Her smile, her eternal good humour, her flowers and her beautiful dresses.

Lily’s behavior in some scenes, which has sometimes been criticized, reminds us what children exposed to parents who are always angry – or abusive – can become.Adults who constantly seek approval from outside in order to feel safe”Which might explain why Lily could be almost completely honest with Ryle and at the same time pressure him not to tell her everything, for fear of incurring a terrible wrath, with the risk of him taking action. Regarding his injuries.

Hypervigilance and inability to see oneself as a victim

We can also emphasize that as viewers we are exposed to physical and sexual violence, but we are not shown psychological violence, nor mechanisms of control. Which may seem surprising in a movie based on an abusive relationship. This time again, it is possible that we may not be able to reach her in the same way as Lily, because she finds herself locked into this relationship and does not yet see herself as a victim.

Furthermore, growing up in an unstable family environment can have a profound impact on a child as he grows into adulthood. “Without stable emotional reference points, they often view their parents’ unpredictable behavior as the norm, which can limit their ability to manage their emotions healthily.” An unpredictability that can lead them to be constantly alert to the point of exhausting hypervigilance, as underlined by child psychiatrist Stéphane Clerget, whose study by Ouest-France on the subject of “eggshell” parents The interview was conducted.

“Monsters” are already among us

The emphasis on Ryle’s (problematic) character is controversial. One interpretation on this theme is possible: to show that violent and abusive personalities are among us in our daily lives, as stated by journalist Matthew Palen in his book “In the Heads of Our Fathers, Our Brothers, Our Friends… Told. Violent man” or like here, our boyfriend. And as attractive, wealthy and powerful as they can be, they can also be dangerous. Let us quote this sentence of a victim who testifies in the work: “There was an atmosphere of violence in the house. It makes me wonder what happened to me. Is this really a coincidence? Or do these problems continue from generation to generation?”

A sentence echoing Lily Bloom: “Either we break the cycle of violence, or it will break us.”A phrase exactly echoing the book’s title is “It ends with us.”

*The rumors were spreading shortly before the film’s release in theaters, while on one side we saw Justin Baldoni doing his promo and on the other side, the rest of the cast. The actor and several members of his team may have called on several communicators, including Melissa Nathan, who has already worked for rapper Travis Scott and actor Johnny Depp. According to facts revealed in the New York Times investigation, Blake Lively has based her allegations on thousands of emails and text messages obtained through a court subpoena.

*Isabel Nazaré-Aga, psychotherapist and author of such works as The Manipulators and Love and the Manipulators Are Among Us (ed. de L’Homme).