Do you have trouble crying? 3 reasons behind this behavior

While some people live very well with dry eyes, others feel they are losing the release needed for their emotional balance, says Adeline, 45. “I have a certain contempt for those people,” says Adeline, 45. “Has.”

I feel that they behave somewhat like children, that they lack dignity, and yet, I sometimes envy them. I, who almost never cry, want to manage to let myself cry from time to time, so as to be less in control. ,

You have learned to hide your feelings

The reluctance to let tears flow often comes from childhood. “Some people may have gone through a somewhat repressive parenting with emotionally invalidating phrases, such as “There are people more unlucky than you” or “You have no reason to cry”… such as They grew up, they put a certain inhibition in relation to tears ”, says psychotherapist and psychiatrist Stéphanie Hahusseau, author of Let Your Emotions Live (Odile Jacob, 2022). Let’s analyze.

Men, in particular, have often learned to hold back their tears for fear of appearing weak and vulnerable. “Crying is quite stigmatized among boys, who still grow up with the idea that ‘when you’re a man, you don’t cry’,” reassures psychotherapist Sarah Baudot Bonnot.

you protect yourself

Emotional blockage can also occur after trauma or a period of intense stress. “I had a patient, aged 16 to 24, who had a feeling of no longer feeling anything, as if he was cut off from his emotions,” recalls Sarah Baudot Bonnot. He was then going through a difficult period, marked by his parents’ divorce, and he unconsciously avoided feeling anything so as not to suffer too much. ,

We sometimes fear that if we start crying our grief will never end, as if we are opening doors that will be very difficult to close. But on the contrary, we can become better by controlling our tears. “When I stop my emotions they become “chronicized,” explains Stephanie Hahusseau. If I feel them deeply – what we call interoception –, pay attention to the sometimes unpleasant physical sensations associated with them, They will last for a maximum of forty minutes. »

The looks of others make you stressed

“I lost my father when I was 15, and despite my grief, it was very difficult for me to cry,” recalls Hortense, 38. “I felt as if everyone was scrutinizing me, my I was feeling sorry for him, and it completely blocked me. » Somewhat like motherhood, where you should be immediately happy with your baby, there are often a lot of emotional taboos surrounding death.

“When we lose someone, we should be sad immediately, but sometimes it is much more holistic: we can also be angry, have fits of laughter, feel sadness later and that No time”, assures Stéphanie Hahusseu. The stress of conforming to what others expect of us can overpower grief and prevent it from being expressed.

Our advice to set you free

Take stock of your beliefs. What would happen so dramatically if I let my tears flow? Am I afraid of appearing insecure? In the eyes of others? Of not being able to stop? Psychotherapist Sarah Baudot Bonnot advises, “Imagining the worst that could happen can help you assess your unconscious fears and often make you feel like nothing serious is going to happen if I cry.”

Name your feelings. Before you can feel and accept your feelings, you must first name them. Psychiatrist and psychotherapist Stephanie Hahusseau recommends observing yourself on a daily basis and writing down the various emotions of the day in a small notebook, separating the facts – what really happened – from everything that is said around you, which only Enhances our emotions.

Stop feeling guilty. There is no shame in crying. “Crying is useful and even necessary, because it activates the parasympathetic system that allows emotional release,” recalls Stéphanie Hahusseau. Today there is resentment, once upon a time tears had a price. After crossing the Rubicon during the attack on Rome in 49 BC, Julius Caesar is said to have cried in front of his troops, which was then considered a sign of virile energy and humility before the gods.

Open your tears. Listening to sad music or watching a good melodrama can help you find your way to tears. “A somewhat trivial explanation but which is important: to feel calm, it is important to clear your nose regularly, as this helps to avoid hyperventilation, which is a source of anxiety,” advises Stéphanie Hahusseau. Are.