Can you change your personality? These character traits you can acquire

“I can’t help it, that’s how I am. » Have you ever criticized someone for one of their faults and repeated behaviors? Faced with these criticisms, some people have the unfortunate tendency to justify their attitudes with their personality. All while implying that they will not be able to correct these behaviors since it is part of them. But is this really the case?

When we reach adulthood and through experiences, it is already possible to see our personality evolve. With maturity, certain character traits such as impulsivity, disorganization or selfishness may change.

An evolving personality

“Remember that personality is the way a person thinks, feels and behaves. And while it may seem difficult to change your personality, people are constantly changing the way they think, feel and behave,” says Shannon Sauer-Zavala, a clinical psychologist, in an article published on The Conversation. In 2022, a team of researchers published in the Psychological Bulletin a new study on personality changes.

“Synthesis of previous research has demonstrated that personality traits are both stable and changing throughout life,” the researchers write. Hundreds of new studies have emerged, allowing more precise estimates of the stability and change of personality traits across the lifespan. » In their research, the scientists updated and extended summaries of previous research on the development of personality traits by synthesizing that published after January 1, 2005. In all, data from more than 400,000 participants was used. Although the personality stabilizes from age 25this study confirms that personality tends to shift in the direction of greater maturity as people age.

Succeed in changing your personality

“As people age, they tend to experience fewer negative emotions and more positive emotions, are more conscientious, place more importance on positive relationships, and are less judgmental of others,” recalls Shannon Sauer-Zavala. And this tendency can help change our personality traits. For example, if you are not considered very reliable and punctual, she illustrates, and you start to think that “being on time shows others that I respect them”, that you feel pride when you arrive on time and implement behaviors that help you be more reliable, you will gradually adopt this character trait.

In his own study published in the journal Personality Disorders: Theory, Research, and Treatmentthe psychologist herself studied the impact of cognitive-behavioral techniques. The cognitive approach aims to become aware of your thoughts to determine if they prevent you from taking action in accordance with a particular trait. “For example, if you find yourself thinking that ‘people only think about themselves,’ you may act defensively around others,” she says. Next, the behavioral approach encourages you to become aware of your current action tendencies and to test new responses. “If you are defensive around others, they will probably react negatively to you,” she argues. On the other hand, if you try to behave more openly, for example by sharing with a colleague that you are having difficulty with a task, you have the opportunity to see if this changes the way others behave towards you. » In his experience, these modifications can lead to significant change in less than 20 weeks, instead of 20 years.