How to overcome a “snoob”, this uncomfortable moment during a conversation?

We’ve all probably dreaded certain conversations before. It could be the exchange in the elevator with that colleague we barely know, a conversation with a neighbor stuck on the stairs or a difficult discussion with one of our loved ones. In reality, whether with those close to us or those less close to us, it is always possible to experiencing awkward moments during our conversations.

They can come from clumsiness, imperceptible discomfort or even small suspended, silent and awkward moments that Maggie Rowe recently described as “snoob” for Psychology Today.

What is a snoob?

“You’re chatting with a stranger, a friend, or a group of old college friends at a bar, and then… it happens. Words fail you. The energy falls off a cliff. You just stand there. The silence sets in and no one seems to know how to restart the conversation,” describes Maggie Rowe to understand the term “snoob” It’s in her podcast. Fifty Words for Snowone part of which consists of talking about words that don’t exist, but should, that the author heard this word for the first time from one of her friends.

If there do not seem to be words describing these moments in English, in French, we call this kind of “blank” moment. But why do they make us so uncomfortable? For Dean McKay, professor of psychology at Fordham University and cognitive-behavioral psychologist, discomfort with silences during a conversation is not only common, but also intuitive. Silences allow our inner dialogue to take more space in our minds and to wonder why no one is speaking, why this silence has come at this moment and what is going on in each person’s head. “From an evolutionary point of view, it’s important to understand people’s intentions, and it’s more difficult if they don’t speak,” he admits to Well and Good.

Go beyond the blanks

“Some people are content to sit in silence with another person. If you feel uncomfortable, it’s more of a problem for you than for them,” says McKay. For our well-being and our ease in our conversations, it could be useful to learn to be more comfortable with silence. And that starts with seeing the bright side of things. “I think it’s extremely important to be comfortable with silence,” says clinical psychologist Susan Albers. Well and Good. It gives people time to digest and respond instead of reacting. » Silence could even help create a form of intimacy.

But for those who really can’t stand blanks in conversations, it is possible to avoid them. The first is to ask questions. “Asking people questions can be a way to start and keep the conversation going, and listening well allows you to be more comfortable in silence,” advises Susan Albers. If a topic seems to have been exhausted, don’t hesitate to change it. “It’s easier to change the subject if you’ve thought about potential topics before the conversation begins, before you get lost in the demands of the conversation,” recommends behavioral scientist Alison Wood Brooks. Very Well Mind. It can be helpful to keep a few topic ideas up your sleeve, so you can restart the conversation if it starts to drag on. » Work, family, food, travel, the last movie you watched… It’s up to you to keep a list of conversation topics that you can bring up at any time.