This behavior makes us falsely believe that we have chemistry with someone
You’ve just met someone and, very quickly, everything is going crazy. You only have eyes for him, your heart is beating wildly, your breathing is labored… What if love sickness was just a mirage? How do you know if he’s really interested in you? Are you really on the same wavelength? What if the chemistry you feel doesn’t go beyond the limits of your mind? Many questions arise but one has to struggle to find answers.
To understand whether it is interpersonal attraction, American psychologist Mark Travers suggests deconstructing some of our preconceived ideas. In a study reported by psychology todayThe expert reveals a common behavior that sometimes leaves us in the dark: kindness.
Kindness releases “love hormones”
How to distinguish sympathy from true love at first sight? In fact, it is our brain that takes us forward. It is because of their mistake that we confuse certain sympathetic gestures, hitherto harmless, with this mighty force which is alchemy. But how does the latter give us so many emotions? An American anthropologist and researcher looked into this question. With her team at the Kinsey Institute, Helen Fisher studied 17 participants described as being “intensely in love”, finding that brain regions associated with motivation and reward were activated when they came into contact with their partner. Chemistry promotes dopamine release, as does the kindness of others. Therefore there is a need to separate them.
“Romantic chemistry is very hard to predict, and even harder to define,” says Mark Travers. To explain this phenomenon, experts rely on a number of researches suggesting a connection between kindness and oxytocin, commonly known as the love hormone. Although heartwarming, these acts of kindness reveal a person’s capacity for empathy but are not necessarily bold declarations of deep feelings.
Differentiate between kindness and chemistry
Compliments, gifts, kind messages…these small acts of kindness make a big impact on the person receiving them. Mark Travers explains, “They cause an increase in the concentration of this neurotransmitter in the brain, which plays an essential role in social bonding, trust and attachment.” But assuming that anyone who treats you well must like you can put you at risk for disappointment. To be clear, psychologists recommend not filling your mind with romantic scenarios. Rather than imagine that altruistic behavior reveals a hidden affection, it is better to take them at face value, without asking questions. Let’s not forget that communication is our most valuable relational asset.
Also, underestimating a relationship with altruistic behavior is the tendency to get carried away in love, which is common in over-emotional personalities, for whom life without passion produces only disappointments. However, instead of leading them back to the romantic sphere where they lead to disappointment, we must learn to lead them towards areas where these passionate impulses can be channeled: extreme sports, artistic activities… Finally, Kindness is a virtue. It’s time to restore it so that it becomes so common that it doesn’t cause our peers to blush!