This decision seems trivial, yet it can completely change your relationship
In a relationship, we often attach crucial importance to major milestones: moving in together, getting married or even overcoming a separation. However, it is the small everyday gestures, often neglected, that really shape the future of a couple.
One of these key gestures? Respond to “bids for connection,” those small attempts at emotional connection described by relationship experts John and Julie Gottman. Here’s why these seemingly mundane moments play a vital role in the longevity and strength of your relationship according to Mark Travers in an article by PsychologyToday.
What is a “bid for connection”?
A “bid for connection” refers to a subtle attempt by your partner to get your attention, share a moment, or simply feel seen and understood.
It could be a comment on an article, a furtive smile or a harmless question like “What are we having for dinner this evening?”. These small gestures, common in daily life, are nevertheless crucial to strengthening emotional intimacy.
Possible answers and their consequences
Responding in an attentive and engaged manner shows your partner that they are important to you. A simple “Tell me more” or a kind look can be enough to strengthen the bond between the two of you. This type of response promotes trust and emotional intimacy.
Ignoring these attempts may seem trivial, but in the long run, it drives a wedge in the relationship. An ignored bid can be perceived as disinterest, causing your partner to withdraw and stop seeking your attention.
Promising to respond later but never doing so can be just as damaging. Saying “We’ll talk about it later” and then forgetting sends the message that your partner’s thoughts or emotions are not a priority.
Why these micro-decisions matter
The quality of a couple is based on the perception that each partner is responsive, that is, capable of understanding and validating the emotions of the other.
By actively engaging in these small moments, you strengthen your bond. Conversely, each failed interaction creates an emotional fissure, which is difficult to repair in the long term.
How to respond effectively?
Be present: Even tired, a simple “I’m listening to you” can make a difference. Show genuine interest: Ask questions or share your opinion, even if the topic seems minor.
Make up for missed moments: If you realize you ignored a bid, come back to it later showing that you value that connection. Revalue light conversations: What seems trivial to you may be essential to your partner.