This is what the daily life of an antisocial person is like

It is difficult to paint a single picture of people who prioritize their own company over others. First of all, there are antisocial, antisocial people: shy, introverted, homely people; or loners, misanthropes, even marginalists, “These are character traits,” explains Jerome Palazzolo, author of CBT, Cure yourself from Phobia, Panic Disorder, Bulimia, Depression, Social Phobia, Low Sexual Desire (Enrique B. Edition, 2023). These people do not suffer from any deformity: they have their own nature and often live with it. » Unwilling to interact with others or go out, they recharge their batteries in their inner world.

Then there are those who have social anxiety disorder, formerly known as social phobia. “They are often afraid of certain situations related to performance. In anticipation or at the moment, they are afraid that their reactions will be inappropriate, they are afraid to tremble, blush, stammer. So, speaking in public, eating at a restaurant, reading a presentation in front of colleagues, meeting strangers at a party or conference… it’s all very anxiety-provoking. Either they avoid the situation or suffer from it. » Finally, there is antisocial personality disorder. “This has nothing to do with the previous one. People with APD ignore social norms, disregard others, their rights, their feelings, their needs, display contempt and aggression without considering the consequences and have no remorse. »His behavior is sociopathic.

Why is it difficult?

The people around them, especially when they themselves are open to others, do not always understand the attitude of these recluses to the rest of the world. The discomfort caused depends on why they maintain their distance.

When they are simply shy or lonely, those close to them may experience feelings of despair and isolation; People who suffer from social phobia will be overcome with a feeling of anxiety and the pressure to reassure, soothe, comfort. As far as those who are around a sociopath are concerned, the painful notion of not counting, of not existing, ultimately causes suffering.

What can we say and what can we do

To respond appropriately, it is important to recognize what is at stake in antisocial people. “If their behavior is determined by their personality, those around them can undoubtedly learn to respect it, without denying their need for exchange and contact with others. So we can propose meetings in small groups or hold talks on outings that are close to our hearts. » Regarding people who are very anxious, it is better to avoid forcing (“try”) them to overcome their fears.

“It is important not to make fun of their concern. It is also important not to fall into preaching or blaming, and even more so not to fall into emotional blackmail (“make me happy for once”). Toxic solutions (alcohol, cannabis, non-prescribed drugs) are also very bad ideas. » One last piece of advice for people close to “real” antisocial personalities: it’s best to stay away from them.

take care of the relationship

In the long term, for those concerned for their family and friends, it is advisable to monitor this loss of link: it may re-emerge during a difficult period but settle down over time, or, remain always present. Despite this, it gets worse. “When withdrawal tendencies begin to disorganize daily life or cause problems as avoidance strategies become more and more frequent, a few therapy sessions can help to regain confidence in yourself and others. ,

With regard to social anxiety, whose lifetime prevalence is estimated at 13%, it must be managed in a specific way, often through CBT support and possibly drug treatment. Antisocial personality disorder requires more psychotherapeutic work, but also learning social skills, emotion regulation exercises, and multidisciplinary support to readjust to living together.