You should answer these things to the person giving the lesson.

The goals of those giving lessons are not the same: “Some seek to impress, others seek to persuade,” says Anne Clotilde Ziegler, author of What is the effect? (Solar, 2024). The first adopt a knowing posture: they hope to attract attention and dazzle the world, opting for displays of force and often learned logoria. ,

His words are precise, sophisticated, even complex. “The second are neophytes: because they have read an article or experienced a situation, they believe themselves to be completely competent! Convinced of his rightness, he set out on a crusade. Here we find determined people for whom morality is essential and who enforce their values; Enthusiasts, who are willing to share their enthusiasm; Thinkers, who have a strong opinion on politics, religion, economy, will want to impose their beliefs. For example, conspiracy theorists are excellent lesson givers.

“They use our time and attention without our consent”

“Amazing” is undoubtedly the adjective that best suits wrong-doers, who are always ready to lecture their neighbors or explain to them what they already know. “First of all, they come and use our time and attention without our consent. We feel trapped,” analyzes Anne Clotilde Ziegler. But it’s also because they disqualify us that we feel uncomfortable.

“Since they look down on us, we are actually in an inferior position. Their arrogant demands tickle our ego. » We are tempted to suddenly rebel and assert our point of view. “And here’s the third difficulty: in the name of the sovereign good, they want to violate our freedom to think, act, and sometimes feel,” the expert says. However, man rarely likes anything that prevents him from manifesting. Obstacles and obstacles must be fought or avoided.

What answer should I give them?

Before any rebellion or flight, Anne Clotilde Ziegler invites you to think. “What gives us the feeling of being taught a lesson? Why do we get angry? Chronic reformers clearly exist, but we also need to look at what their posture evokes: a sense of ignorance? Of inferiority? Lack of identity? Of respect? ,

attached, Multiple responses are possible depending on the context“We may choose “yes-yes” out of propriety or tenderness, for elderly parents, or in a hierarchical setting, or simply because we lack the energy,” suggests our expert. Wait for the instructions to stop. There’s no harm in trying to excuse yourself from an emergency, but there’s a risk of it increasing the tension. In opinion, We should…”, “You think that…” “This is a good way to deny our agreement but agree to consider our interlocutor’s ideas. » Finally we can try to alert him about his behavior. “If we know the person well, it is really wise to tell them about your problem. Rather cold and face to face. ,

understanding the lesson givers

Living with these lecturers, who impose their good values ​​and control our daily lives, can be tiring. But those who give these lessons are also delicate. First of all, because they are often under stress, in a hurry to express their beliefs, and therefore under stress. They also sometimes suffer from a great feeling of loneliness: the effect of being less or poorly understood, recognized or dubbed is painful and, in the long run, it promotes isolation and withdrawal. Anne Clotilde Ziegler explains, “After all, such a posture may also hide a deep narcissistic flaw.”

The need for approval is often a sign of low self-esteem or lack of confidence. Perhaps they want to shine because they fail to value themselves? Or are they trying to convince because they themselves have doubts? All of this would benefit from being explored within psychotherapeutic work. » Instead of teaching others, they would benefit from being more kind to themselves.