Psychological impact, identity, libido: “At menopause, a new life begins”

Sitting in a circle in the living room of a Parisian apartment, the participants of the “Menopause café”, speed talking with experts in
Gemvi (Study Group on Menopause and Hormonal Aging*) all express deep dismay. “I entered the
fourth dimension! », “We are being prepared for childbirth, not for the end of the cycles! » me

Because menopause is part of a process. In certain cultures (among the Mayans of Mexico, in Newfoundland, or even recently in Japan), this word does not exist, reports sociologist Cécile Charlap: “According to studies carried out in Japan in the 1990s by the Canadian anthropologist Margaret Lock, the cessation of menstruation is part of the “path of blood” and does not generate a more significant imbalance than at other stages such as pregnancy. »

Existential process and strong psychological impact

There, it actually causes more headaches than hot flashes. And it is not linked to the cessation of the reproductive function
because, beyond childbirth, for them, this notion includes care and education within the family. Between his elderly parents and his possible children and grandchildren, the 50-year-old woman, in Asia as in the West, reaches a pivotal age.

“Menopause symbolizes the end of a major cycle where the woman kept a personal calendar noting the date of her periods, her ovulations
and other perinatal adventures… In other words, her entire sexual life. Sometimes too, old grievings that she thought had been resolved resurface:
IVG, celibacy, separation, loss of a loved one, dismissal, etc.,” explains psychoanalyst Catherine Bergeret-Amselek. She is the author of Women in crisis, or menopause in all its glory (Desclée de Brouwer, 2017).

Menopause: “the opportunity for self-redevelopment”

“We know that bodily changes impact the psyche. However, the feminine is constantly renewed due to menstruation. The cessation of these does not sound the death knell for anything. On the contrary, it offers the opportunity for true self-redevelopment », encourages Natacha Espié, psychologist and psychoanalyst. Let’s not just rely on gynecologists. Especially since everyone admits: perimenopause is the most complex phase for them to manage. Hormonal fluctuations differ from cycle to cycle. Some women experience it peacefully, and others like hell.

Better to play on a good network of therapists. “This period is ideal for a stopover at a psychologist if it is too turbulent. But one
gynecologist must be made aware of the existential dimension of the end of periods. It is often he who provides the pass that the mother has not clearly issued to her daughter,” underlines Catherine Bergeret-Amselek. ” This phase de “maturescence” (located between the age of motherhood and that of senescence) offers the opportunity to distance ourselves from the “maternal”. It’s an opportunity to reposition yourself in relation to your mother in whom you suddenly recognize yourself a little too much, but also to get a new look on all levels: professionally, romantically…,” continues the psychoanalyst.

Aging or feminist reconquest?

Cécile Charlap encourages us to fight against a medical discourse associating menopause with a “insufficiency” (hormonal), a “deficiency” (of estrogen), a “risk” (of osteoporosis). In short, to a “pathological and disqualified” body, she says, prey to earlier old age for women than for men. And it starts early! A “social menopause” sets in around the age of 40, an age from which pregnancies are considered “late” and “at risk”. Women are often told not to procreate anymore. “ Physiologically fertile, they become socially sterile », notes the sociologist.

This is not the case in cultures in which the end of periods, considered impure, also signals the end of the “invisibilization” of women. Thus, the Lobi of Burkina Faso, who are then authorized to handle religious objects, acquire the status of men (“a woman who no longer has periods is no longer a real woman, she is like a man,” they say in this tribe). Will the currently highly publicized fight for gender equality contribute to changing the way we view this stage of life?

Desires to be unleashed

Sophie, 51, relies on dialogue with her partner: “Caustic, he gives me nicknames like “Old skin” or “Menopausita”. But when we discussed it, he admitted he was scared,” she says. “Symbolically, having children is a barrier to death. The fact that nature says stop, with a point of no return, also confronts man with his aging,” explains Natacha Espié. This “stop” can, however, give new youth to the couple and to the menopausal woman by freeing them from the constraints of contraception.
and fear of pregnancy.

“As long as we maintain good physical and emotional health, nothing prevents us from maintaining a sex life full of vitality », says obstetrician-gynecologist Christiane Northrup, in The Secret Pleasures of Menopause (Mama editions, 2019). And to certify: “If your head and your heart are ready, your body will find how to do it. » It is not uncommon for a woman to only reach orgasm at this stage.

“It’s a second life that begins”

Autoeroticism twice a week, work on your beliefs (saying to yourself “I am touching to have such thoughts” rather than “I am
too old for these things”), quest for happiness through yoga, massages, music… Cultivate pleasures, says this specialist,
maintains a high level of nitric oxide in the body, this gas which helps to improve our health. “You have to consider your body
as sexual. But libido concerns all of life’s desires,” recalls Natacha Espié.

Starting with devoting a little more time and energy to yourself (think about perineal rehabilitation!). According to Christiane Northrup, “brain chemistry changes around the age of fifty, and our way of thinking and processing information is affected “. No more intolerance for injustice and inequity, no more intuition, no more creative drive… Menopause invites us to update our software. “It’s a second life that’s beginning. And you will see that at 60 years old, this period will seem insignificant to you. There is such a rebirth afterwards! » promises Anne, 65 years old.

*Gemvi is a multidisciplinary think tank (gynecologists, endocrinologists, sexologist, psychologist, cardiologist, rheumatologist, etc.): gemvi.org.